ON THRIVING

I know. It's been a while. For the past few years, I have been knee-deep in writing my first book, ON THRIVING. And I am beyond overjoyed to announce that it's here! Yes, this book baby of mine, will be out in the world in a little over a week (everywhere books are sold), AND it's available for pre-order now!!

For anyone who has ever written a book, we all know it's hard work. And depending on the subject matter, it's heart work and most certainly a labor of love. So what is ON THRIVING all about? ON THRIVING is all about thriving in the current space you're in. Yes, I said it. You do not have to wait. You can thrive right here. Right now.

Many of you have been reading my blog, Not So Private Parts since we first pressed the publish button in 2016. And here we are, publishing a book with Penguin Random House for us all to lean into our thriving. I want to say thank you! Pressing the publish button and sharing my story changed my life. You, the reader, have changed my life. And as I move forward as a published author, my life is about to change and bloom in the most beautiful ways. I have you to thank for this.

Pre-Order ON THRIVING Here! Here's to thriving in 2024.

Rest + Ritual

Moment of honesty... I have never enjoyed napping. In the past, intentionally resting has been hard for me. Don't get me wrong, once in bed; I have never had a hard time falling asleep or sleeping in general. However, intentionally, resting has always been a hard sell. I remember as a young kid feeling as if I was somehow missing out on the fun happening on the other side of my bedroom's closed door. There were still adventures to be had, and I wanted in on it. Truthfully, this FOMO would continue well into adulthood. I would eventually opt into taking a deep dive into the why. Until this point, I had filed this angst against napping into the "well, that's just the way I am" folder. Only recently (thanks to weekly therapy) have discovered that it is not! 

This fear of resting was deeply rooted in need to prove and be approved. I like to call it the hard hustle syndrome. Many parents, Black folks, women, and most marginalized groups feel it, I'm sure. As someone who checks all the above boxes (Black, Woman, Mother, etc.), I would feel this pressure triple the load. It has taken quite the inner work to break away from the internal dialogue and outside pressure. Learning to prioritize one's self-care above all else has required that I unlearn the toxic expectations of powering through. It has required that I understand that my body, mental health, and holistic life matters. Prioritizing rest as an act of beautiful rebellion was all a part of it! To experience self-liberation, I would begin creating a ritual around my rest. Here are few ways in which I did so. 

1. My sleep comfort matters. Upon entering this journey, I would begin looking at my sleeping space, specifically my bed. Was the mattress comfy? How about my pillows? Upon laying down on my bed, did I feel comfortable? For this exploration, I partnered with my friends over at Avocado, an organic sleep brand specializing in organic mattresses and so much more! First, I have always wanted an organic mattress, as they are better for your health and the planet! Avocado is made with GOTS organic certified cotton and wool. GOTS organic certified latex- all sustainably sourced from farms co-owned in India. I've gotten some of the best sleep ever courtesy of my new mattress and plush pillows - all made with natural fibers and non-toxic.

2. Part of my ritual is preparing my bed with soft and inviting bedding. There is nothing like turning down my bed as I prepare to lay down for the night. NOTHING LIKE IT! Avocado offers excellent bedding as well!

3. I prepare my surrounding space as well before bedtime. My water bottle is on my side table. Sometimes, I start my diffuser with my favorite essential oil! I set the mood!

4. Once in bed, take a few deep breaths, reflect on the day, and let it all go with every exhale. Sit your phone outside of your bedroom.

Rest is healing and therapeutic. 

We all thrive best when we have it. 

Rest is our birthright.

Please take it. 

White Privilege

This past week was a lot. I have felt activated and triggered. The emotional weight of seeing what I already know to be true play out on our screen has felt unsettling—like many, securing sanctuary for my emotions outside of my beautiful family has been challenging. For some, seeing rioters storm our nation's capitol, with little to no push back, confirms what I already know to be accurate, that we are not all equal. That there are an entirely separate set of rules or lack thereof in which others live and operate. When you are White, there are no rules; only a complete overarching superiority above said rules. As I saw doors being opened for these rioters with little resistance, I am sure that had this group been majority Black, Brown, Muslim, or anything other than White, there would have been a completely different outcome. We wouldn't have even made it to the steps of the capitol. I know this to be true.

What I have seen play out over the news and even across social media has confirmed many Black people's reality. We don't feel safe. We don't feel secure within this country. We don't feel safe amongst certain social settings, the medical systems, and even our White friends and associates. These are facts.

I live in Los Angeles, California, a progressive and liberal state. However, even in living here, I still find myself navigating racially, unsafe environments. This vast misconception amongst White people that racism only exists in the backwoods of Alabama or Mississippi and that these "bad people" have limited education, lousy grammar, and don't know better is inaccurate. These "racist people" live in our neighborhoods, teach our online yoga classes and wellness retreats, send love and light, and talk about manifestation. Some of these people are within the "motherhood community," creatives, photographers, influencers... They are in our pulpits, leading worship, elected officials, doctors within our medical system, and midwives within our birthing community. These are the same people that stormed the capitol building. They are everywhere, and therefore Black folks run the risk of encountering racism EVERYWHERE and in almost every situation, even when we birth. Because racism is everywhere, Black folks often don't feel safe even with our most "woke" friends. I repeat, Dear White people, your Black friends may or may not feel emotionally safe with you. I'll take it a step further; we may not even feel safe sharing IF we don't!

Over social media, I have heard terms such as "bravery" being used to describe the folks who were a part of this insurrection. I have heard words such as "sovereignty" being used to defend their choices - and this was not necessarily from the rioters. These terms have been used by folks from the wellness and self-care community. Again, it's everywhere. I've even seen people refuse to believe and speak out, saying that the outcome would NOT have been different if the rioters would have been Black. They've spewed rhetoric that the thought of a different set of rules results from media and the internet and that it's purely political. However, what they fail to realize is that folks who look like me have known this inequality to be true somatically, within our bodies, and that this racial insidiousness has existed long before the internet, the news, and most certainly before Trump. What we know to be accurate within our bodies - the feeling of having to be aware of how we show up in the world existed long ago, when we were stolen and brought here on boats - When our bodies were enslaved, raped, beaten, and hung from trees as a spectacle. We knew that the rules were different when a twelve-year-old Black boy named Emmett Till was murdered, and those who committed the murder were let off for this heinous crime. The rules were different when Breonna Taylor was shot dead as she slept, While Ahmaud Arbery jogged, and while the cops kneeled on George Floyd's neck for 8 minutes and 47 seconds in broad daylight. I don't need the news to tell me that the rules are different, that our existence is different, and that our lives are put in a category of "other" to believe it to be so. I know this within my body, as my ancestors knew it within theirs.

With that being said, to those who actively choose to mask their racism behind catchphrases or live out their racism openly, I ask the question, Is it bravery or White privilege? Is it Sovereignty or simply White supremacy? I'm asking for a friend.

Dear White People. If hearing that most of your Black friends may or may not feel safe with you causes you to feel a certain way, change it. Become safety. Become a sanctuary for folks to find emotional shelter. Do better. Do the work. Most importantly, gather yourselves. Talk to your family members, friends, and the people close to you. I've said this before, and I'll repeat it. Gather yourselves and stop asking Black folks to do it for you! We are exhausted. We are tired.

Dear Black folks. This week has been exhausting. I have found myself doing a tiresome dance of turning off the news, only to turn it back on again. Y'all, we have to be good to ourselves. Activist Tamika Mallory said it best. "I suggest that Black folks stand back and stand by while these folks throw a tantrum in DC. America needs to face its problem. Don't go out there. This is NOT our fight." During this time, we must take care of ourselves. Love on ourselves. Let's heal, protect our energy and our joy.

Last week was heavy. These next few weeks that Trump is in office feels unsettling. Many are afraid. I understand. I wish I could wrap this post up with a beautiful bow. However, I cannot. I know we will get through this. I know this to be true. Let's keep breathing.

Happy Anniversary #NotSoPrivateParts

Four years ago, the trajectory of my life changed forever. After experiencing my first miscarriage, I felt isolated and found limited resources on what to do after experiencing such a loss. There's nothing quite like heartache and feeling alone in the world. Where does one find solace? Sanctuary? Community? Being the self-starter that I am, I chose to create what I needed. After much thought and researching how to build a platform/ website, I birthed Not So Private Parts on New Years Day 2016. After one quick tap to the publish button, I shared my story of loss. I remember feeling fear and anxiety. Would anyone even read what I had just published? I had no idea that not only would you all read my story but that you would find a home here within my words and the stories of others.

Eventually, this platform would wind and weave and intertwine within itself - shifting, changing, and eventually evolving into a safe space for all looking not to feel alone. We would talk about miscarriage and loss, postpartum shedding, and gratitude for what is and what could be. We would celebrate together and feel the warmth within, knowing that others feel parenthood's weight and joys. What was initially a blog turned into a space for connectivity.

I will forever be grateful for all that Not So Private Parts have produced. I am thankful for the opportunities for expansion and the manifestation of a community that I needed very long ago. I am grateful for the creativity that's been birthed. I am the writer that I am because of this platform. Thank you.

As we venture into 2021 together, I am calling in even more expansion and abundance. I call in opportunities to invite even more people into our fold. Thank you for continuing to dig deep, be vulnerable, and share. Thank you for making this space a home. Your home. My home.

More on gratitude

The leftovers are tucked away. We have all eaten our fill. Whether we are snuggling close to our loved ones, friends, or with ourselves, may we hold on to what matters most. If there's anything that we've gathered from this year, it's what's important. Hopefully, we've all arrived at the place where love matters; people matter, and toilet tissue matters, for real. This year, I hope that we are intentional with our purchases and gather ourselves, directing our consumer dollars toward small businesses, who need it most! This year, may we hold gratitude within our hearts, minds, and spirits. Every day, when we awake, may we give thanks for the sunlight that has gifted us with yet another moment with its rays kissing our cheek. May we show gratitude for the air softly dancing through our lungs… Every day, may we rise and accept our purpose as if it is our life's rent for receiving another day upon this earth.

For what are you grateful? How do you show it? This week, my meditative question for you is, What does gratitude feel like?

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