Practicing Gratitude and Celebration

For our family, the first week of November is a full one, immersed in celebration and love. During November 8-14, we celebrate two birthdays and an anniversary. No, we didn't plan it this way, if that's what you're going to ask. It just is what it is. This year was a bit different. Between our sons' milestone birthdays (Jax age 14 and Jupiter age 2) and our 15th anniversary, we felt a bit of pressure. Considering how 2020 started and the celebration and gratitude that we both wanted to share, we subconsciously felt immense pressure to do the most. For the boys' birthdays, we didn't feel comfortable doing a birthday party due to COVID-19 cases rising again here in Los Angeles. We also couldn't figure out where we wanted to go for our anniversary. We both felt the pressure. Where did we land? I'm glad you asked. Here are a few takeaways on embracing gratitude and letting go of the pressure to do the most.

1. Our therapist applauded us on our grit and commitment to each other during our most recent therapy session. She shared that this week's goal would be to release the pressure of performing some grand gesture of celebrating 15 years. The celebration is simply the showing up with intention and that our anniversary was not confined to one day, and that we make the rules. So, we both decided to plan a getaway in January.

2. The boys' birthdays were the sweetest this year. Jax got his long-coveted jazz bass guitar and amp. Jupiter received more wooden building blocks to knock over. Yes, I am sure that both boys (and us too) would have loved to hang out with our friends, cutting a birthday cake, and celebrating our boys. However, this year we had something even more special. Jon and Jax stayed up all night watching The Matrix movies and eating vegan cobbler. In Jax's eyes, that was better than any birthday party (well, sort of; he's still a teenager).

3. This morning, I woke up to an online conversation between Alicia Keys and Deepak Chopra. They were discussing gratitude. Chopra shared the practice of living in gratitude and how it's different from merely thinking "happy thoughts" or ignoring reality. He shared that living in gratitude is taking an intentional moment, thinking of all the things you are grateful for, and basking yourself within the celebration of it all.

Lastly, I know that times can feel heavy. The way 2020 started for our family felt like nothing short of a dumpster fire. However, I have been in constant awe of how hard times never last always + how joy cometh in the morning. Keep going. Keep pressing. Keep doing the work. It's going to be ok. 

Stay HERE. How to stay grounded, present, and peace(Full), this election week....

It's 9:08 PM. I'm sitting on my sofa, and like many, I am feeling anxious. My anxiety has been relatively high. I know that I'm not alone. Like many, the build-up of what may or may not be regarding next week's election feels like a lot. Between navigating the crazy universe that is 2020, a racial pandemic, and dodging the Rona, it all just feels exhausting. 

I hope that Tuesday night will prove to be a victory and a clear signal that our country perhaps (just perhaps) has actively chosen to move in a different direction. I hope that Biden and Kamala win. I do. If anything that the 2016 election has shown, hope is not always guaranteed, especially when it comes to the current administration. So, where does this leave us? How do we reconcile the anxiety? The uncertainty? How do we find a home, let alone a safe space to land, when the world around us has felt so very unsafe? How do we stay present when everything within us would like to jump two places ahead to Tuesday night? Here are a few ways to stay grounded, centered, and, most importantly, peace(Ful), no matter what. 

1. Stay HERE... Stay present. Here is wherever you are. It is the present, not looking back, and for damn sure not looking ahead. I know that we all want to know what's going to happen on Tuesday night. We cannot. However, we can do our part by voting. After you've done everything that you can do to create change, stay HERE.

2. Be gentle on yourself. YOU are not crazy for feeling the massive wave of anxiety that so many are experiencing. The results of the 2016 election triggered quite a bit of PTSD. While our country has never been safe for Black and Brown folks and anyone that has felt the sting of being other(ed), the 2016 election proved to be the manifestation of our country’s insidious undertone. The stress of it all, feels heavy. Be gentle. Take space. Take care.

3. Take it one moment at a time. One breath at a time. One nap at a time. One yummy meal at a time. Again, stay HERE.

4. Nourish yourself. Eat a good meal.

5. We are stronger than we think. We, humans, are resilient folks. I spoke to a dear friend of mine the other day, reminding her of the ancestry that came before. We come from folks who have experienced so much more, with far less. Their blood flows through our veins. We will get through this.

6. Rest. You have permission to rest.

7. Ask for help—your mental health matters. I love Better Help. I also love Therapy For Black Girls as a resource.

8. Lastly, breathe. Keep breathing. 

Sending us all love,

Brandi

Rituals + Periods

"Easy like Sunday morning" has always been one of my favorite songs. It's an instant relaxer and transporter to all things good moments. This Sunday, I sit here on my sofa, bleeding. I started my period yesterday evening. I knew it was coming, as all signs pointed to the homegirl's arrival. My intuition proved correct. At first, I was a bit bummed, as tomorrow, the family and I are going for a quick getaway. I for sure didn't want to spend the majority of the time on my period. However, here we are. It is what it is. 

Around this time last year (when spending time with each other IRL was an option), a dear friend of mine shifted my thinking around my period. She and her husband had visited a shaman, and he shared with them that the time during which a person is on their period is sacred - It is when we are most intuitive, most sensitive, and when we are most attuned. It would serve us well to practice self-care and honor ourselves and our bodies. Which got me to thinking, what if we intentionally practiced ritual during our periods? What if we allowed our periods to be a moment of taking space + practicing ritual. Here are a few ways to begin:

1. While you are shedding, ask yourself, 'what am I shedding during this time? What am I letting go of?'

2. Envision what you are calling forth. What do you want to bring in during this time of renewal? 

3. Either prepare yourself a meal or order in. Whatever it is that you eat, let it being nourishing + filling. Comfort food is your friend during this time. 

4. Hydrate with warming teas. I love Moon Juice's golden milk tea. I also love Roots Heart and Mind's Postpartum Tea (It's great for when you need some extra warmth.)

5. Rest. Don't push yourself. Don't make any major decisions during this time. Dive into a good book. Just be. 

Lastly, this time can feel different for everyone. For some, our periods can feel like a sigh of relief. For others, it can feel like a reminder of what was lost. Wherever you are, honor it. Create ritual celebrating the magic of your body, the resilience of your spirit, and the fortitude that resides deep within. 

Showing Up

You can do hard things, and when you cant…Rest + try again tomorrow.

There are times to push through and times to take pause. Like many, it can be somewhat hard to determine which is which. Today, I was productive, and I mean productive because I accomplished everything off of “my list.” Truthfully, this weekend started with a long list of both work and personal goals. The list contained everything from book stuff to blog posts to decorating for an upcoming project. At first glance, I felt overwhelmed, wondering if I would be able to pull off half of my to-do’s. Between quarantine and kids running around, coupled with the way, my mind can jump from one thing to the next with the agility of an acrobat. I worried. I worried that either I would become so overwhelmed or distracted by it all. I imagined myself starting fingers to keyboard, writing my first sentence only for it to be interrupted by a young child running full speed into my room or by the idea of instead baking cupcakes. Here are a few ways that felt grounding in my quest to stay on task and accomplish every one of my goals!! 

1. Know thyself. Prolonged doses of extreme concentration have proven to be hard. All-day (with no breaks) on one task is not my jam. The solution? Jon, my Virgo husband, suggested that I work 45 minutes straight and then take 15-minute intervals of rest in between. If by chance 30 minutes was all that I could do, then that was ok too. 

2. Set your intentions. Before I would begin, I would start by listing the top 2-3 things that were imperative to get done. If I were left with additional time or felt energized to do more, I would go for it. 

3. Show grace. We must restructure the meaning of productivity, especially during COVID. We must operate within an overflow of grace toward self. Waking up, taking a shower, caring for those around you and yourself is what’s important! By simply showing up, imperfect, yet present, this is productivity. 

Quarantine, Virtual Learning, and Naps Needed

Parenting during Coronavirus is tough.
Yes, in general, parenting requires a certain amount of grit and a deep-sea diver's navigation. However, I don't believe any of us were prepared for this.

For the past six months, we have been strictly quarantined within our four walls. In some ways, it's been beautiful. Refreshing. Healing. However, we needed a change in scenery. The boys were growing tired of each other's faces. Cali was on fire. The Los Angeles air was unhealthy. We were all tired. Truthfully, since the inception of the COVID-19 + ongoing racial pandemic, my anxiety has been relatively high. Like many, I have been grasping as straws, attempting to make sense and find solace in it all. Our family needed space and room to breathe.

Listen, I don't have all the answers. But what I do know is that taking a moment is needed. Assuming space is necessary. Parenting during a time like this is hard. It's exhausting even. Please know that you have permission to pause. Cry. Laugh—order in. Take a nap. Take care and take space. I see you. We're all out here trying our best. You're doing great. How are you self-caring today?