Turning Passion & Pain Into Purpose

My name is Siaba, i’m 28 years old and the founder of Boo.B.Smoothie. 
I first became pregnant at age 19 when I was in my second year of university. Mr B and I had been seeing each other on and off for about 8 months and then BAMM! I realized that I had not seen my period for a while (which was not strange because I had irregular periods.) So, just to be safe, I took a pregnancy test. He made it clear that he wasn’t ready to be a dad, and nor was I ready to be a mum. It still didn’t make the abortion any easier. Just before going into the operation room, I went on my knees and cried to God. I can’t even remember what I said. I just remember crying so hard and feeling so confused. I moaned for the baby  years after and was unable to come to terms with what happened. I fell into depression right after and gained a load of weight. Living away from home made it easy for my depression to go undetected. I guess I just grew out of it naturally.  After years of carrying the guilt around I went to see a therapist about the experience.  I Learned that I made a decision based on where I was and who I was at that time in my life and that it didn’t mean I would make the same decision again at a different time and age in my life. 

Fast forward to 2014, after a long term relationship some years earlier, I find myself in another casual relationship... This time with Mr D who I had been dating on and off for two years. On June 4th 2014, we found out I was pregnant. I was shocked but also excited. He was just shocked and depressed about the news. I didn’t understand why he was so unhappy about it. We were so close, almost like best friends (well so I thought ). Eventually he came around to the news by which point I was scared at the reality of becoming a mother but still excited.   That all changed when 3 days before I was due to give birth I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time we had dated. I’m talking from week 1!! My body went into shock due to the high level of stress I felt. I was 12 days over due with my son. The stress also affected my ability to make milk ( I found out later on from a lactation consultant). Nevertheless, I gave all that I could to adjusting to motherhood. Internally, however I was broken. BROKEN!!  As soon as I was alone I would cry, screamed into a pillow or just sleep hoping I would wake up and find out it was all just a bad dream. I just couldn’t make sense of it. The hurt consumed me, yet at the same time the joy of my son brought me peace. My feeling were so conflicted I felt like two different people. I kept my shit together when people were around because I didn’t want to worry my family and friends.   I felt tourn apart, but my innocent little baby didn’t know that. He just needed me to survive. Truth be told, I needed him even more.  I can honestly tell you that my son saved me. He gave me something to focus on, to wake up for and pull through each day. Adjusting to single parent life wasn’t difficult because I didn’t know anything else. It was just the way it was. 

The saying "every cloud has a silver lining" is definitely the case in this story. When I struggled to make breast milk my mum began feeding me certain African dishes and other foods that she had researched. Within a week of eating high volumes of the foods that my mum was feeding me, my milk supply picked up dramatically. I had so much milk I didn’t know what to do with it. It made me want to know more about the foods I had been eating and what made them so good for breastfeeding mothers. So my fascination grew the more I read and researched. It became a bit of an obsession, and it kept my mind away from the hurt and pain. Being able to breastfeed my son successfully built my confidence. It made me feel able and happy to see him grow so healthy and happy. I started using the ingredients known as Lactogenic ingredients to make smoothies because it was more convenient for me. When a friend of mine was experiencing low milk supply, I gave her a week supply of my lactation smoothies. After a week she called and said “what do you put in those smoothies? My boobs are engorged.  You should totally sell them to breastfeeding mothers”. The rest is history as they say. Boo.B.Smoothie is my second baby. I started this business with a £1000 tax rebate that came at the perfect time.

In one year,  i’ve gone from making and delivering fresh smoothies all over London, to now making and shipping powdered versions of the smoothies all over the world. My son and my business combined have given me all that I need to move on with my life. Am I still hurt? Yes!! Do I still cry at night? Not as much. Somehow I took all the hurt and pain of the last few years and channeled it into something good. I can’t explain the amazing feeling I feel when I receive messages and emails from women saying how the smoothies have helped them feed their babies and encouraged them to not give up. That’s the exact message I hope my story and Boo.B.Smoothie sends out. Don’t ever give up! Not on yourself or what you want.