Shame Shame Go Away

Shame should really go away... I mean shame is like the Urkel (season 1) of emotions projected. It's annoying... It doesn't seem to have purpose... And it stays way longer than necessary.. 

I absolutely hate when I hear stories of shaming within the motherhood community. Do you breastfeed? Do you bottle feed? Do your kids wear cloth diapers? Or do they wear God forbid mainstream diapers? Wooden Blocks? Plastic Toys? It can all be a lot. With that being said, I have compiled a few ways we can all be the change we would like to see in the world of mamahood... Here are some tips on checking yourself before your wreck yourself and fall into the cycle of shaming. Please ask yourself the following:

1.) Is it helpful? We all have opinions... Sometimes we like to share them. We all have facts... We like to share those too... But is it helpful? Is it beneficial? 

2.) What's my motive? Am I giving my opinion/ fact because I truly want to help OR Is there possibly a hidden motive? Am I sharing to truly help? Or to tear down? Check that! 

3.) Is it necessary? Will this build up my sister? Excluding the special circumstances where a child is seriously in danger, most moms are truly doing the best that we know how... In that moment. Before jumping in, ask yourself, 'Is this necessary?'  We all have different parenting methods. And that's ok. Different doesn't mean bad. Bad means bad... AND we are all competent adults to know when we truly see "bad" parenting... In those cases SPEAK UP. Otherwise, if it doesn't fall into that category ... Sit back and take notes. Perhaps there is something that can be learned... 

The Best Version of Myself...

Fitness has always been a part of my life whether for recreation, competition or most recently for the sole reason of being the best version of myself. Best version of MYSELF. Not the best version in general, because that mindset inevitably brings forth comparison and comparison in my opinion is the archenemy to a healthy self-esteem. 

If I hadn't discovered this revelation I would be disgusted with my body image today and would be putting forth far too many efforts toward immediate change back to my physically fit self. I would see all the picture perfect mamas on Instagram and feel like trash due to my few new stretch marks, the extra weight around my thighs/midsection, how my hip bones have shifted for good. Thankfully I am no longer in the business of comparison and all of these changes have only fueled my womanly empowerment! I am so proud of this body and what it has accomplished, I have grace for it and am giving it the necessary time to heal..do I want to be fit again? Of course! But in good timing and not because I want countless likes on Instagram. Majority of my energy is going toward nurturing a newly earth side baby, making sure that she feels safe and loved. My time is spent no better way than with her laying skin to skin on my chest for as long as she sees fit. 

We are unconsciously programmed from a very young age to dress, act, be a certain way and as mothers if we are not intentional about guarding our children's hearts and minds they will continue to fall victim to fueling their progress in life by insecurities. I'm not saying that society is evil or trends are of the devil but when I see people putting more stock in how others will perceive them over their very own peace of mind and contentment that is what does not sit well within my soul. 

Every human deserves to be seen, to be loved, to be accepted for their most genuine self but the trouble is many are unwilling to be vulnerable enough for that acknowledgment. Hiding in plain sight has been mastered by an amazing amount of people and it breaks my heart to be aware of just how much potential is being hidden behind the fear of failure and loneliness. Realistically every successful person who had to put in their own efforts to get there has faced many failures along the way and as far as loneliness goes all of my revelations, spiritual awakenings or simple realization of common sense has never come to me while I'm out with my girls, getting ready for a concert or even having a Netflix&chill with my soulmate but RATHER in complete solitude.

I have found a respect for myself over the past few years that allows me to treat others with grace and understanding. Through trial and error, meditation and allowing the universe to finally do its thing in my life I have found that I am here to be a kind and loving inspiration of truth. My mind is at peace knowing that my purpose is simple and attainable, not easy but worth the effort because in return I am continually blessed by the addition of deep and richly invested friendships, the kind that don't give up on you when you slip up and act like a complete idiot for some reason or another. Shoutout to Shannon and Roxane, I love you girls. 

I hope that a sentence or two has deeply resonated within whomever may be reading these words.

In conclusion...

-If you haven't already, start the journey toward becoming your very best SELF. That may mean; purging your home of useless junk, eating better, working out, making time for solitude, reading a book, smelling some flowers, rekindling a forgotten hobby, nurturing a meaningful friendship.. Etc...

-if you happen to be a mother please brainstorm and consider ways that you can be very intentional about raising up your young one(s) to be entirely aware of their self worth. Make sure they know just how essential and important they are. This may mean; allowing them to be curious even if that means you don't always have the answers, praising their ideas instead of questioning them, telling them that they are wonderful.. Etc...

Close your eyes, smile and be at peace 🙏🏻
Namaste
Summer dawn
 

The Natural... Fatherhood Unedited

So... any day now, my first born arrives Earth side. Every parent in my social universe is telling me that my life is dawning a whole new existence of cliché dad life... that soon as this baby slips into the world, I will immediately be overcome by emotions that only fatherhood can deliver. The only emotion that I currently am feeling is that of autopilot-type husband duties... making my wife feel as comfy as possible during this process. I'm having no feelings of butterflies or nervousness, just sort of existing in the moments as they come. I had no outlandish expectations of my first born arriving. I was just hoping that his head wouldn't be shaped weird... or that he wasn't breach... or just hoping to avoid that tragic birth scene from an episode of Little House On The Prairie that I watched when I was younger. Fatherhood... bring it on!!!

    Finally, we're in the hospital. It's here... the day that we've been waiting for. Apparently, life is about to get even better... and my ability to love and care is gonna grow three times bigger. My mother-n-law shows up. My sister follows. We play the waiting game for about 18 hours of labor and... there he is!!! Jaxon-Miles Sellers Jackson, 6 lbs 15oz of crying and annoyed, chocolate baby. Nurses immediately took him to a nearby station for the basic welcome home diagnostic. Everything was checking out great. I naturally peeped over to see how little man was doing with all of his new celebrity. The main thought in my head was... she did it!!! I went over to my wife and just admired her. 

    Over the next 24-48 hours, friends and family would visit. Everyone was so excited. All the while, I was waiting for all of the emotions and tears that are supposed to overtake me any moment. To be honest, they never came. What I felt before Jaxon's arrival, only mimicked my present emotions of 'auto-pilot husband duties' and now add on 'auto-pilot daddy duties.' Was I happy? Yes. Was I excited? Sure, I guess. I was all of those things before the birth. Whatever happened to the fuzzy feelings of being overwhelmed like so many fathers apparently experience when welcoming their legacies into the world? Tears, daydreams of ballgames, fantasies of father-son park frisbee, etc. I didn't have any of those. 

 I also believe that fathers need to be present even when it doesn't 'feel natural.' I just kept showing up... kept being there... before I knew it, I was looking forward to experiencing every moment that I could with my future kings.

    Was something wrong? I honestly felt as if my days were simply busier and included less sleep. Beyond that, nothing really changed. I've always been one to take my role as provider/man of the house very seriously. I naturally turned the heat up in that department. Besides that, same Jon.

    Brandi, on the other hand, instantly blossomed into this new, uber-motherly butterfly that I had not witnessed prior to Jaxon. Around 2-3 yrs old, she would salivate at the thought of taking our kid to sand parks, and mother-son dates. Every now and then, I would tag along, only to witness tons of super-hyped, cool dads playing with their kids... throwing baseballs, making sand castles... while really seeming to enjoy every bit of it. I honestly did not share their sentiments. I didn't seem to have the natural fatherly instincts that these other TV dads had. 

Fast-forward almost 10yrs... a total of 2 boys later... I get those uber-daddy feelings practically everyday. Truth is, they didn't come the first day, or the first year... they took some time... and that's ok.

    In all transparency, it took till about 4 yrs old for those mushy daddy feelings to arrive... about four years to really emotionally connect with the tangibility of my legacy. As Jaxon would grow older, my natural desire to spend real quality time with my son would increase. I began to seek out his interest... no longer out of obligation but out of sheer enjoyment. I started to really get a kick out of learning who he was & seeing who he was becoming.

    I became a father at 23 years old. Looking back, I totally can see why there was such a delay in experiencing 'the natural' daddy feelings that most fathers feel. For starters, I was 23... still figuring who I was as a man...as a husband of just 1 year at the time... really trying to balance life while chasing down the dreams that Brandi & I had as creatives. Naturally, I've always reacted to things very logically. In an effort to not seem weird, I've even faked expected emotions in certain situations, despite feeling quite indifferent.

    Fast-forward almost 10yrs... a total of 2 boys later... I now get those uber-daddy feelings practically everyday. Truth is, they didn't come the first day, or the first year... they took some time... and that's ok. Truth is, I have always been present, even when the TV dad instincts weren't there. Eventually, those 'natural' healthy father feelings showed up. I do believe that I needed to grow up a bit... step outside of myself... understand that my children are one of the most tangible representations of my legacy being left on this Earth. I also believe that fathers need to be present even when it doesn't 'feel natural.' I just kept showing up... kept being there... before I knew it, I was looking forward to experiencing every moment that I could with my future kings. I'm now happy to say that I've become one of those enthusiastic dads at the parks that daydreams of upcoming ball games with my boys... that loves one-on-one, father-son time AKA man-dates (a term coined by yours truly). I look forward to taking my 10 month old out to parks. I look forward to coaching my 9yr old's bball team next season. Despite the words and experiences of many others, some things in life may take a bit more time than we initially hope. That's ok. Just be present. That's the only way to win.