Happy. New. Year.

It's New Year's Day. This, of course, means that resolutions are made. Vision boards are created. Plans are put into motion. Beautiful intentions are set. I think that we can all agree that the celebration of the New Year, carries great expectation. I believe that while we cast our net wide and deep, self-care must be in the forefront. What does self-care look like in the New Year? 

For me, self-care looks like temporarily escaping and going plant shopping. I know, pretty simple. I love plants. I connect with them. They make me happy. For me, there is nothing quite as peaceful as walking through a beautiful nursery of greenery. I count it a privelege to witness how plants reach toward the sun, grabbing every pinch of light it can possibly hold. Its worship at its finest. Its beauty at its finest. 

Self-care looks dry brushing and exfoliating away the yuck of yesterday. I love applying an amazon clay mask w/ turmeric and then using my favorite plant medicine (essential oils). As I sit on my sofa, allowing my mask to dry, I sip on my Holy Wellness Tea by Honey and Sage Co. I enjoy burning Palo Santo while Ella plays in the background... Self Care looks like lounging on my sofa while my skin soaks up every ounce of lavender oil applied post-shower. 

Self-care looks like not looking at your phone for an hour in the morning. This was one of the many things that I implemented during my 30 days of creating ritual. There is something beautiful about sitting with yourself before taking on the rest of the world, and its news. 

Self Care looks like taking a dance class. This year, I co-facilitated an event that centered around self-love. We wrote love letters to ourselves. We cried. We danced. We reconnected with our bodies. 

Self-care looks like intentionally preparing a meal. I believe that I deserve good food. I believe that I deserve a good meal that is filled with love. Sometimes, when I have a quiet moment to myself at the house, I will go into my kitchen and prepare myself a meal fit for a queen. Because I am a queen. 

Lastly, self-care looks like gratitude. I am so very grateful. Today marks two years in which I pressed the publish button to #NotSoPrivateParts. I remember being frightened by such vulnerability. Creating this platform, has produced so much freedom. For this, I show gratitude. How will you self-care in the New Year? 

Stillness

A few months ago, I was in Boston for an event. The boys were home with Jon. It was just me. I arrived to my hotel and checkin in. I had nothing to do that particular night, as our event was the next day. As I laid on the hotel bed, speaking to my husband on the phone he said, “why don't you take a bath?” My reply, “And do what?” My husband, “You know, chill… relax… in the water.” I sat there trying to compute his words. ‘Take a bath? And then what?’ My reply, “I can’t.” 

Being still is hard. Period. It always has been. I’ve never been one to sit in a freshly drawn bath. I wish that I could. The lingering question has always been, “What does one do, once in the bath?” Do you sit and think of all the things that you wished you would have done during the day? Do you plan for tomorrow? Do  you take stock of the many items on the never ending to do list? Or do you just simply sit… in the water… and be? How does one just sit? 

`Lately, I have wondering what would happen if I finally embraced the stillness? Perhaps my thoughts would be less rapid. Perhaps my mornings would be more intentional. The older I become the more that I realize that when one gives themselves the gift of stillness, a door is opened. I find that the moments that I am still, I open the door to kindness for self and others. Rushing here and there, never pausing and seldomly reflecting has the ability to birth unnecessary and negative pressure. For what are we racing? Where are we racing too? And why so fast? I truly believe that in our society of stay ready and be ready AND hustle hard, we can miss out on the here and now… losing ourselves in comparisons… neglecting gratitude as if it is a stranger.

So what can we do to embrace the stillness? The quiet? For me, I could perhaps not check my phone at first waking. Perhaps instead, I could allow myself to experience a complete 10-15 minutes of quiet, soaking in the sounds of the birds outside my window. Perhaps, I could read a few pages of my favorite book.  Perhaps I could journal.  I could create a morning ritual, celebrating the stillness of it all. 

What are we so afraid of when it comes to stillness? Are we afraid of what we may feel and/or hear? I for one, can be super uncomfortable with silence. Are we afraid of what may rise to the surface while we allow the stillness to fall? I am challenging myself to allow the silence and stillness to be. I am allowing myself to be ok with it all... for they are both necessary. 

My Vacation Teacher...

Vacations are good. Vacations are necessary. And repeat… This was my mantra leading up to our trip. For the first time in ten years, Jon and I would embark on an adult’s only get away to New York. It actually worked out quite perfectly. Jon was playing Afro Punk (which I was BEYOND excited about.) I was going to be doing a shoot for a brand that I held near and dear to my heart. Babysitters were in place. Needless to say, it was going to be fun. I was super excited. Leading up to our trip, (and during) I would learn some amazing things about myself. Perhaps these were things that I’ve always known. However, these nostalgic discoveries were so very evident. Here are three things that I learned during our great adventure…

I learned that I deserve good things. Before our big trip, my anxiety was on fleek!! I was afraid that at any given moment, one of our kids would catch a cold, and I wouldn't be able to go. (Please note: My kiddos are never sick.) The thought of the brand that I would be working with, canceling for unforeseen reasons, (although they have never cancelled) crossed my mind. The thought of my daredevil of a kid, Jedi... breaking an arm during one of his acrobatic stunts crossed my mind. I even imagined Afro Punk canceling due to unforeseen weather. I know… It was crazy. Anxiety made its grand appearance. Truthfully, the thoughts continued until we boarded the plane. Why were these thoughts so prevalent? Why did I feel like our beautiful four day plan would fall through at any moment? The answer was so very evident… I wasn't aware that I deserved good things. As someone who has dealt with both childhood and adult trauma, one can begin to second guess when good things happen. You begin questioning IF something/ someone/ some experiences are really as amazing as they seem. I for one, if not careful, can pick things apart to its bare bones... carefully examining the gift that has been given to me... as if it is a mysterious package left by a stranger similar to the film, “The Box.” When healing from trauma, it is very easy to doubt every good thing that comes your way, as opposed to simply embracing it. After all, the pain experienced is so very real, one’s guard is hard to let down. However, it is so very imperative that at some point, the healing begins and the exhale takes place. At some point, the folded arms that guard our wounds, must open to receive the good that so desperately would like to enter our world. Although, I can never take away the traumatic events in my life, I can still decide to embrace the beauty and wonder this world has to offer. For God sake... I deserve it!! On my trip, I prompted myself to say thank you and receive… arms open… heart open.

I learned that I am super resourceful and quick on my feet. Upon arriving in NY, my tummy began feeling upset. Perhaps it was nerves or lack of sleep on the plane. Who knows. We landed around 9am in NY. Before heading to baggage claim, I went to the restroom and freshened up a bit, and Jon and I headed out on our first adventure. First stop... my photo shoot. As our Lyft driver drops us off, my stomach by this point feels really bubbly and weird. I try my best to think nothing of it. We finally arrive in the city. As we're waiting outside of the loft, one of the shoot's coordinators comes down to meet & escort us to where we should go. Not a second after we greet each other, I do the unthinkable… I “sharted!!.” Yes. You read it right. I shart myself. For those of you who have no idea what that means, it means that I simeoultaenously farted and crapped my pants.  Yep. Thank God, no one heard it. Thank God, It wasn't a huge “shart”. However, what is really a reasonable sized “shart”? Its all horrible. Its all incredibly humbling. What do I do next? I walk up the FIVE flights of stairs to the loft where we are shooting and I immediately ask for their bathroom... just citing that I need to freshen up... remaining as calm as possible.  Needless, to say, my tummy is obviously upset!! (Please note: “Shart(ing) is not something that I incorporate into my everyday life.) Once I get into the bathroom, I freeze. In this particular bathroom there is no sink, just a toilet. I panic. I look through my bag and I notice that I have a water bottle and baby wipes. So... what did I do?... I did what every dope woman who sharts her pants would do. I channel my inner McGuiver and begin to give myself a bath with my freshly opened bottle of Dasani, which I had confiscated it from the plane...  and baby wipes. I literally began squatting over the toilet pouring water all over my nether regions and wiping as if my life depended on it. Because it did!!! I am convinced I couldn't have bathed myself any better had I been in an an actual shower. Soon after, I got dressed...  walked out of the bathroom with a Mentos smile on my face without anyone suspecting a thing. After modeling underwear for the next 7 hours, I left the shoot, giving myself a much deserved pat on the back... and the rear. 

Lastly, I learned that Jon and I needed a vacation more than ever. We needed time to connect with ourselves…. just us. No distractions. We found ourselves wondering around the big apple, with no particular place to be. It was wonderful. We stayed up late. We woke up late on days that we didn't have to work. We made love on the table (because we could). We did exactly what we wanted to do, when we wanted to do it, AND where we wanted to do it (pun totally intended). I remembered WHY I chose him so very long ago. I remembered why he has been my best friend for all these years. WE remembered why every day, we choose each other. We ate vegan churros at fun vegan diners. This moment reminded me of when he and I were dating... staying up to the wee hours, eating greasy Waffle House diner food, and just knowing that perhaps this thing that we were feeling was not only mutual, but real. This trip served as a beautiful reminder. It was necessary. It was beautiful. It was a teacher. For this I am forever grateful. 

Abundance

Today, I have been reflective. It's hard to to wrap my head around the fact that not only will Mr. Jedi be 2 years old, tomorrow... But 2 years ago today, I was in the throws of 43 hours of intense labor. It was by far one of the most intense moments I have ever experienced. Truthfully, the intensity was beyond the surges, reminding me that this life that I had been carrying for 40 weeks, would now make its noble entrance.

I remember breathing... breathing through every contraction... through every bit of pain... It felt as if my back was being torn apart. Reading numerous hypno birthing books had gotten me to this point of no return. In that moment, I remember asking for my mother. In that moment I missed her more than ever. She was present for the birth of my oldest son, Jax. She held my hand. She reminded me that I was loved in a way that only a mother can. She watched as her baby birthed her own baby.

This time was different. She wasn't there... and nothing... and no one could replace or change this unfortunate reality. However, I believe that it was no coincidence that during my birth with Jedi, I was surrounded by love. I truly believe that every woman that was present, represented a special part of my mother... her motherhood... her protection... her sense of humor... her focus... her laughter. All of it was there in that room... in different forms... but ever present.

When I look at this photo, I am reminded that somehow... someway within the deficit, there is still abundance. Within my mothers absence, I was surrounded by such an abundance of love.  
 

Get Ready With Me... and Glossier

As a child, I remember waking up to the smell of bacon and coffee. I remember the smell of my mother's perfume... how it would linger around her vanity mirror in the morning. I remember the hustle and bustle... the grand parade of marching the children out of the house and on to school. Needless to say, the morning routine was real, with real memories of good. 

Truthfully, my family's morning routine looks quite different than the one I remember. For starters, our family's diet is plant based. Jon and I both work creative jobs, so therefore our mornings may differ from day to day. If there is school, the morning may start earlier (around 6am to be exact). If school is out, liberties are taken... the opportunity to breathe a bit and take in the morning's glory becomes the top priority. 

I usually start the day by shimmying into the kitchen to pour a fresh glass of water with a squeeze of lemon to flush out toxins and jumpstart my morning. A shower normally is soon to follow. Because I don't drink coffee, my morning shower stands in as a loyal substitute. (Side Note: I first start off with a warm shower, and then gradually shift to cold. Cold showers help improve circulation and immunity, combats stress, and increases mental alertness.) 

After my shower, I moisturize with coconut oil as well as some of my favorite essential oils (patchouli, lavender, bergamot). I personally, I love using essential oils as my scent, as they are known to do more good than harm. Unlike most commercial perfumes, you can be sure that essential oils do not contain synthetic ingredients that can also act as hormone disruptors. Therapeutic grade essential oils are just that... therapeutic. They can uplift mood, ease anxiety, and cure common cold symptoms.

As far as makeup goes... I use my ultimate fave Glossier. I love their mission of creating products that truly focus on skin health.

"It all began back in 2010 on IntoTheGloss.com, our super successful beauty blog with a loyal, influential readership—and editors with a sixth-sense for what’s relevant (and what works)."- Glossier

Their Skin Tint is the best everyday foundation around. It goes on smooth and feels light. It goes on smooth and feels light... as if I'm going sans makeup, hence allowing my skin to simply glow.  It becomes apparent that when wearing Glossier, people notice my skin... not my makeup. My other favorite product by Glossier is their Boy Brow. I wear this even when going sans makeup. Boy Brow is like the cherry on top, giving my brows a very full and youthful look. If I don't have time to do anything else, I will simply swipe on Boy Brow, coconut oil, and some balm.com on my lips, and I'm out the door. Trust me, as a mom of two, doula, and creative, I don't have time to sit and contour my face. I want my makeup to celebrate my skin, not hide it. 

Lastly, I believe that personal style resides deep within. I don't believe that we should have to sacrifice comfort for whats considered "cool". (Cool is overrated anyways.)  Give me something free flowing from my closet, a hat, and out the door I go. A lot like our choice of clothing, our morning routine says a lot about who we are... whats necessary... whats important. Our routines may all look different. They may differ from day to day. Its all good. Do you, mama... It looks good on you.