WAP

We hold shame within our bodies.
Do not touch.
Do not look.
Do not feel.
Our relationship to our bodies can be complicated and nuanced, dancing between moments of empowerment and distrust. Where did this originate? How did we get here?

Many have heard Cardi B and Meg the Stallion's new single, WAP. Some have loved it and embraced, while others have exhibited big feelings surrounding black women expressing their sexuality and embracing what pleases them openly. I am here for it, not just because our male counterparts express their sexual desire all the damn time (and often it is laced with misogyny + and toxic masculinity). I am here for it because I am anti shame - Especially when it comes to our bodies.

Our bodies do magical things. Beyond birthing babies, our vaginas, provide moisture to keep ourselves healthy and balanced. Our vaginas even clean themselves. Yep, our vaginas are self-cleaning. When it comes to arousal, the clitoris is much like the penis, as it has a hood and a shaft, expect it has almost double the number of nerve endings as its male counterpart (around 8,000 nerve endings to be exact.) The clit is such a beautiful house of pleasure; only 1/4 exists outside of the body, while 3/4 remains inside.

In the words of my dear friend, Dr. Kameelah Phillips, "Our WAP speaks to us.
The lubrication says, "Hey girl, get your groove on."
The fragrance says, "I'm here! I'm just chillin' and healthy."
The color says, "Hey, your flow is on its way-get ready."

It's Going to Be Ok.

It's going to be ok.
I know.
It's a lot.
The world feels heavy.
Things feel heavy.
We could all use a hug.
We are all going to be ok.

Parents are gearing up for their second round of remote learning. Folks are nervous. Will my child be left behind? Will they thrive? Will we survive? Partnerships feel strained. No, you are not the only one who is feeling big feelings toward their significant other. No, you are not the only one who is feeling uninspired. It's ok if you don't want to make sourdough, learn how to knit, or master a craft during this time.

Yes, we have all entered a zoom meeting with pajama bottoms, AND no, you are not the only who is over Zoom meetings. We miss our friends too.

It's all going to be ok. How do I know? How can I be so sure? Because we always have been in ages past. We, humans, are a resilient sort shifting... evolving... thriving.

The key is to take it one day at a time...One moment at a time. Concentrate on what matters. You. Your mental health. Your wellness.

Let go of petty disputes. A dear mama friend, Melanie Fiona, once said during a panel, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be well?"

Lean into truth. What is the truth? Find it. Hold on to it.

Inner Child, Calling

This year, I did something that I’ve never done before. I started therapy. Many moons ago, after the death of my mother, I began my search for a grief therapist. However, my search would prove unfruitful. Fortunately, my healing would come through the support of mentors and friends, who had walked a similiar long and windy road.

2020 has provided complete clarity concerning what I would need to thrive and live my best life. One of the many lessons that I’ve learned? If you want to heal yourself, heal your inner child. The way we see the world, react to disappointment, receive criticism often times stem from what we did or did not receive during our formative years. Truthfully, the way this world is set up in regards to attachment parenting or the lack thereof, its deficit has produced a world full of matured bodies with childhood induced wounds. If one is brave enough to lean into truth, we will all find that we can only find + appreciate joy when we heal.

So where, does that leave us? How do we begin to tend to these wounds? The short answer... We acknowledge and begin to have the conversation. We allow our adult self to see and hear our inner child. We allow our adult words to pour over like a balm. We allow our acknowledgement to create a salve that permeates deep within our cells. No one can heal our inner child, but us. This work is our own. Here’s to the journey.

In this week’s newsletter, I feature an amazing article on healing our inner child. It’s absolutely worth a read. Click the Recess Room tab to subscribe to weekly joy!

Welcome to Recess. Let us make room.

2020, Am I right? Many of us entered this year proclaiming perfect vision + clarity. Most of us, hoped for brighter and fuller days, free of the challenges from the year previous. All because of the number 2020. Since our induction, our world has been hit with two pandemics… both a global + racial pandemic. It’s been heavy. It’s been a lot. However, I would encourage us all to take pause and pull from the deep reservoir of truth. We must ask ourselves the question, have we not received clarity? These days, do we not see things so very clearly? If we all take stock, I believe the answer would be a unanimously yes. For the first time, our world as we know it has paused, causing immense clarity. Without the pause...the reflection...it is impossible to see clearly... to receive perfect vision.

Hands down, 2020 may not be what we all initially envisioned, but may the gems of this year not be lost on us. May the joy that we have had to mine for like diamonds not be lost on us. May the resourcefulness, the fortitude of what matters most in life, + unshakable laughter make home and take up space within our souls.

Dear folks, 2020 is not a total wash. We are here + we are thriving. What are the lessons that you’ve learned during 2020? What is the joy received?

Looking to subscribe to weekly joy? Simply click the Recess Room and tab!

Tongue Ties, Lip Ties, Oh My. (Sponsored by Motherlove)

It will be great, they said.

Breastfeeding is easy, they said.

Breastfeeding my second child, Jedi, started off like most. My poor nipples suffered agonizing pain, feeling as if they were going to walk off into the sunset, bags in hand, in search of a better life. I was determined to nurse Jedi longer than the five days that I had nursed our eldest kiddo, Jax. Back then, I had little to no support in the breastfeeding department. This time around, I hoped for a different outcome and received support in the form of a local mama group. We were a gang of mamas, all seeking answers, comfort, and relief from Nipplegeddon (Armageddon, but for nipples.) Eventually, Jedi and I found our stride and went on to nurse until 2 years 7 months and 4 days, or until I became pregnant with Jupiter. By this time, I was nursed out, touched out, and completely over it. I was a breastfeeding champ. We did it. We did well. It was time for a new chapter.

Me and baby Jupiter’s early breastfeeding journey were wrought with tears, sleep deprivation and triple feedings. Prior to Jupiter’s birth, I was prepared for a long labor. After all, my previous births had proven to be long and arduous. (Jax 18 hours with Pitocin and Jedi 43 hours unmedicated.) Surprisingly, Jupiter’s birth was swift, lasting only 3 hours from start to finish. I remember he and I nestling up together, basking in all of our after birth glory. I latched Jupiter to my breast. My doula, Nicole, supported his head as we began our beautiful nursing initiation. All was well. All seemed well.

Photo Credit: Rebecca Coursey Photos and Film (@rebeccacoursey_photosandfilm)

Two weeks later, Jupiter had yet to gain back his birth weight. I began to panic. Whenever and wherever I could weigh him, I would. My midwife, Racha, would be on the phone with me, talking me through the devastating pediatrician weigh-ins. Jupiter’s birth weight was 6 lbs. 12 oz. He was now 6lbs 7oz Our lactation consultant, Kimberly Durdin visited our home. It was made apparent that Jupiter had both a tongue and lip tie. My midwife secured donor milk so that we could bottle feed while we sorted everything out. In the meantime, our LC recommended triple feedings. What is triple feeding? It’s hell. It is sleep deprivation hell. Every two hours, I would breastfeed, bottle feed with the donor milk, and then pump. I would repeat this holy trinity every two hours hoping to boost my milk supply and to simply feed my child.

The days of triple feeding were intense. Let’s face it, doing anything in triplets is intense. Setting up my pump and having a bottle of breast milk ready at my bedside was a part of my bedtime routine. The nights turned into mornings. I began to lose track of time. Forming sentences and engaging in any form of conversation became quite the task. This is not how I imagined our breastfeeding journey. I had successfully nursed a baby before. In the words of the great Beyonce, I wasn’t new to this.

Being a birth worker, I was aware of a frenectomy (tongue/lip tie revision) as an option. With slight reluctancy, we decided to proceed with Jupiter’s tongue tie revision. I was sleep deprived and on the verge of giving up. My husband traveled quite a lot, so triple feeding (especially in the middle of the night without support) just wasn’t conducive or practical while raising two other children. After the tongue/ lip tie revision, I stopped triple feeding and simply nursed through the night, putting Jupiter to my breast in the side-lying position. During this time, I was introduced to Motherlove via my postpartum doula. I began taking their More Milk Tincture along with Moringa capsules. Between their supplements/tinctures and nursing on demand, Jupiter and I were able to find our breastfeeding rhythm.

“More than a generation ago, a young mother and herbalist founded MotherLove to empower women with the wisdom and healing strength of nature.” - Motherlove

Motherlove has proven to be an amazing support, enabling me to find all of my nursing essentials. My favorite being, More Milk Plus, is available in a traditional liquid Organic herbal extract and as a capsule. I love Motherlove because they are GMO-free, organic, and are tested for contaminants and heavy metals! As a breastfeeding mother, these are all things that make me feel safe using this amazing product. Along with their More Milk Plus and More Milk Special Blend, Motherlove also carries herbal supplements such as Shatavari and Malunggay (Moringa) along with nipple balms and diaper ointments.

“Known as the “miracle tree,” malunggay is widely recognized for its nutritional benefits and has been used for generations by breastfeeding women to support breast milk supply.” - Motherlove.

“Shatavari is an Ayurvedic herb native to the Himalayas that contains phytoestrogens that help balance the female hormonal system.” -Motherlove

The beginning of our breastfeeding journey was tiring AF. However, we made it and we are thriving. The takeaway? Gather support. Gather all the resources needed. Visit your local mama support group. Trust me, there is safety in numbers. It truly takes a village. Check out your local Le Leche League. Hire a lactation consultant. Can't afford an LC? Visit your cities local WIC office, where you will find trained CLEC’s (Certified Lactation Educator Counselors) available to support. Most importantly, try not to navigate breastfeeding struggles alone. Breastfeeding is not a one size fits all. Every nursing adventure is unique, presenting itself with its own set of triumphs and challenges. Nevertheless, the adventure is ours. Keep milking, mama. You’ve Got this!