WEARING MOTHERHOOD

NSPP- About you…..Please share a little background about yourself. 

JG- By nature, I’m an intense person. I think beyond what’s offered, question everything and explore all areas of the human condition. I accept discomfort until I find what feeds and nurtures me and it is here where I’m then able to discover my authentic self. While my career began as a Stylist/Visual Merchandiser in the corporate fashion world for 10+ years, I longed to do something with greater purpose that satiated my passion for emotional health and wellness. I thought this meant a complete departure from the industry which landed me in pursuit of a Master’s degree in Social Work at NYU. I’ve always been interested in becoming a therapist. I didn’t complete the degree, but started to make sense about my love of fashion which was more about individual style, authenticity and self-expression rather than trends or what was popular amongst the masses. The education rounded out my belief that style can be used with purpose as a vehicle of empowerment and esteem-building. Your Soul Style was born soon after, combining my skills of supporting women as they take a deeper dive into the self with how they express themselves through dress. Today I am personal styling, consulting and building this brand. Your Soul Style is a platform where style meets mindfulness, and my focus is on guiding women on how to align their inner and outer self. Most recently I’ve been working with women during the pre/postnatal transitions since this vulnerable time can often require support. I empower my clientsto find their own rhythm, become their own stylemakers and be the most beautiful version of themselves no matter what phase of life they are going through. I always knew deep down that figuring out who I was, and finding a way to express that was critical to becoming an empowered, confident and self-assured woman. Now it’s what I help others achieve through Your Soul Style. My business motto is ‘Style From The Inside Out’. 

NSPP- How old is your little one? How is #MomLife? 

JG- Vida will be 8 months on March 19th which is pretty insane since this time has felt surreal, and dreamlike. I work hard at staying present so that I can absorb each moment, but regardless of how tight I grasp, it continues to move fast. And life can get in the way as I navigate towards finding semblance and a sense of normalcy again. Plus, the exhaustion. Oh - the exhaustion. That all said, being Vida’s mama is hands down the greatest thing I’ve ever done. Motherhood for me is an organic experience. It takes work in the emotional, physical and mental sense, but the very idea of being a Mother feels right and comfortable. Like it was meant to be. Even when it’s hard (which it is sometimes!), I’m at peace with this role. I never wish things were different. I’m in awe that we can create life, and have never felt more alive than when I look into Vida’s eyes and connect with her on that profound and primal level. Simply put, she is my heart. 

NSPP- How do you wear Motherhood (describe your personal style)?

JG- We all have uniforms dependent on our life phase. It shifts and changes all the time. So for me, motherhood (and pregnancy) presented challenges that pushed me to refine my ‘uniform’. While time for self-care (which includes getting dressed) quickly went out the window, as I tell my clients, style is something to be mindful about, even when it’s hard, time-consuming and feels defeating. There are key strategies that make it all doable. I make sure I’m pulled together with looks that are easy, practical, comfortable, stylish and maintain my authentic self-expression. This keeps me feeling empowered (and grounded) which is critical since energy and vibrations are being absorbed by another human life. I organized a capsule collection for these postpartum life transitions because 75% of my wardrobe doesn't fit yet and I’m also exclusively breastfeeding (hi giant boobs!). For me, this collection includes jumpsuits/overalls, oversized boyfriend jeans, elevated sweatshirts, hats and comfortable shoes. I wear a variation of these pieces on repeat. 

NSPP- What are some basics that you suggest every woman have in their closet for early postpartum? 

JG-

• Nursing-friendly pieces from Loyal Hana. 
• Boyfriend jeans because they are roomy and super stylish too. 
• A good blazer which continues to fit as your body shifts 
• Joggers or elastic waist pants, but don’t fall into the funk of wearing leggings everyday
• That said, faux leather leggings are a must because while they are comfy, they elevate any look
• Items without a defined waist like overalls allow for +/- a few lbs. 
• Hats are key because time spent on hair has been significantly reduced 
• Sneakers, also key and very stylish 
• If breastfeeding, nursing bras and nursing tanks for layering. I also recommend tank tops with large arm holes to easily pull aside for boob access like this one. 
• And scarves to cover up when nursing if you choose to do so

NSPP- Team nursing bra? Or team free the nip?

JG- I’m team nursing bra, although wish I could be on team “free the nip”. I’d love to be able to go bra-less since my free spirited personality more closely aligns with that sensibility. That said, I have big boobs that need support, especially while breastfeeding. I will say however that after 8 months, I don’t really care who sees my boobs. I feed Vida wherever, whenever and don’t cover up. That has been super liberating!

NSPP- If you were trapped on an island, what 3-5 must have items would you have in your bag? 

JG- coconut oil, a hat, bikini, my iphone, and a copy of ‘The Road Less Traveled’ by M. Scott Peck which is essentially my bible 

NSPP- Have you always possessed a positive body image? Has it been a journey? 

JG- It’s still a journey. I’ve come to appreciate the power of my body, especially since pregnancy and giving birth, but still have moments where I need to remind myself about embracing what’s been given to me. Having a positive self-image is critical since the amount of information we have access to and consume can trip us up. But it must start at the core and foundation. How we see ourselves is directly related to how our parents see themselves so the building blocks begin the minute we enter the world. We are products of the people that raise us and children look to their parents first and foremost for validation in who they are. So if your parent(s) has a compromised self-esteem, a child will see that in themselves. I am so super mindful with Vida, especially since she’s a girl and societal pressures run deep. Her foundation needs to be rock solid so when the branches of life start swinging at her, she has the tools to hold steady. Think of it like this: my hair is naturally curly but for a time I was blowing it straight. I decided to stop because although it seems harmless, if Vida has curly hair and Mama doesn’t like her own hair curly, how will she internalize that? She may start to have a negative association with her naturalness. It’s important for me to embrace myself as I am so that Vida will learn to do the same. Through her lens, she is an extension of me so my demonstration of self-love, empowerment and self-esteem is fundamental to secure her own development. 

NSPP- How do you take time to breathe in your own oxygen and self care? 

JG- Honestly, for a long time I didn’t. Up until now , I gave every inch of myself to Vida. And still the majority of me is hers. She has my mind, my heart, but also as a breastfeeding mama, she has my body too. That said, I recently got back to therapy and practicing yoga again. It’s awakening a part of me that was dormant for some time, and I’m really excited to continue the emotional and physical stretching that come from both. 

NSPP- What is your idea of an amazing Friday night now that you are a Mom? 

JG- I’m not really sure right now. Me and my wife have only gone out on 1 date night since Vida’s arrival and it was lovely to connect and focus on one another without distraction. I know that it’s crucial to our relationship to have that time - I get it. Dinner and a few drinks goes a long way. I look forward to more of that. 

NSPP- Any closing advice for new mamas embracing their postpartum body? 

JG- Take care of yourself emotionally, physically and mentally. Give yourself 1 full year to recover on all fronts. I’m still in the middle of it, but finally starting to inch towards the new normal. I’m 36 so expecting to bounce back quickly is aggressive (although a girl can hope). I work hard at being gentle on myself in the interim which is a mindful practice. Having a baby is a huge transition on all levels so it will take the appropriate amount of time and patience for the pendulum to find its way back to center. Eventually though, you get there. 

Pregnancy... On... Fleek

I was born to make babies. I have always loved children and have been actively involved in my nieces and nephews growing up, and currently I help run the children’s ministries at my church. So naturally I feel ultra prepped for having babies/children of my own. 

I have been married to the love of my life for 4 years and he did not feel as ready as I was for babies. But that magical day came, on a warm day in August, my husband said he was ready. I knew I was ovulating, based on the signs that I had learned from “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” I had read the book years ago to prevent pregnancy naturally which worked for me. (Side Note I wish this book was required reading for all women)

That day my husband and I had a glorious, magical, steamy session! It was fantastic! I woke up the next morning and I am not sure if it was the Lord or my sub-conscience but I heard the small voice tell me that I am with child. And sure enough 2 weeks later that little pregnancy test from the dollar store confirmed what I had heard that day. 

Now I am happily 8 months pregnant with just 8 more weeks to go. And just like with so many things in life there really is no way of knowing what pregnancy would be like until you yourself are pregnant. I had heard about all the pain at the end while birthing your baby. But I had not heard about all the aches, pains and annoyances along the way to that special day when I get to meet my little guy. 

It started in the first trimester: 

My boobs! Growing so big (awesome! it’s like a free boob job), but then they hurt so much. Even if my husband would just look at them I would wince at the thought of the pain if he were to actually touch them.

Exhaustion, many days I would get home from work so exhausted! It felt as though I could not sleep enough. 

Mood swings, I could go from happy to depressed on a moments notice. So I decided to stay home and binge watch Netflix rather than socialize and make a fool out of myself.

Cravings, I normally abstain from carbs but now carbs were are all I wanted. Chips and noodles all day, every day. 

Pain, sex was painful the whole first trimester. My hips getting wider hurt. My back hurts. Sleeping on my side is uncomfortable. Bending down is hard. Standing too much hurts my feet. 

Many of these symptoms were only temporary, some have left for good while others have made come backs. 

What helps me feeling my best are the typical things, like eating right and exercising (I love running). And then there are other things: 

Tummy butter which I owe my lack of stretch marks to and refusing to itch helps too. (I wish I had known about the effects of stretch mark prevention creams during my growth spurts in high school!)

Belly support band helps support my back during my workouts and short runs. 

Icon undies help me stay dry and comfortable all day. My birth canal just seems to get more moist everyday as I inch toward delivery, and then there is the fear of peeing my pants from my sweet baby playing with my bladder. I haven’t had an accident like that yet but wearing my icon undies is like having an insurance policy, I am insured that if I do have an accident that only I will know.

It’s the little things in life like not feeling itchy, having less back pain and being dry down there that is helping me get through this season of being awkwardly big and uncomfortable.

I also like to speak positively to my discomforts: 

Thank you leaking boobs, for you will make incredible food for my baby boy. Thank you aching hips for getting wide enough to birth this big baby boy. Thank you discharge for getting amped up to help my baby slip out. And thank you son for kicking and punching to tell me that you are alive and doing well. Mommy loves you so much already.

I Gave Birth...And Now My Body Shows It

I... Gave... Birth... These words, grouped in that sequential order, still amaze me. In prepping for this week's post, I grew very excited about photographing my postpartum body. For the most part, I've always considered myself to be a body positive individual. Being one of the countless women who stare in the mirror, agonizing over imperfections, has never really been my thing. Perhaps this is due to me always being in a hurry to get dressed or undressed, thus not really having the time to glance in the mirror, let alone, obsess over what others may deem as flaws. As a young girl growing up, I never heard my mother bashing her own body. That woman proudly embraced every stretch mark and dimpled butt cheek. My mother not only thought that she was beautiful... but that she was FINE!  Her favorite song was "Brick House" (although technically she didn't meet the true definition of a "Brick House"... still, this was reality in HER head)  So naturally, I was all about the mantra of "accepting your body as is..." That was until I saw MY postpartum body photographed. 

To be perfectly honest (and not to be overly cocky), prior to seeing my post-babe bod, I honestly thought that MY body was bangin. Don't read me wrong, I never thought my body was Naomi Campbell worship status, but I honestly thought it was somewhere between Naomi Campbell & being hot enough that somebody thought it dope to procreate with... The truth is, after much studying of this postpartum photo, I didn't recognize my body. My tummy,  softer and laced with marks reminded me that I had, two times before, housed a small human. My boobs... saggy... don't even get me started on my booty. I mean, I've always been a part of the little booty committee. However, I couldn't believe how my booty now resembled a popular breakfast dish... the pancake.  I... Gave... Birth... and now my body showed it..

After giving birth, I remember the first feelings of going to the restroom. Peeing resembled something of a double dutch match. Releasing a stream of urine initiated a timidness that can only be compared to feelings of a first date. Like many mothers, I have had to reacquaint myself with not only my body, but my bladder. The last minute rush of finding a public restroom while out and about, all while doing the low key, grown woman pee pee dance is one of the worst feelings in the world! In doing so, I run the risk of the slightest sneeze being the trigger to a full on accident. 

Postpartum Urinary Incontinence is an issue that women seldomly discuss. One in three women suffer from urinary incontinence, and it usually takes several years on average for most women to even seek help… all the reason why I was so excited to spread the word about the brand, THINX and their newest line of feminine products, ICON. Imagine if you were able to ditch your panty liners, and most importantly, you could ditch the worry of those minor accidents!! ICON, similar to their predecessor THINX, offers beautiful underwear with built in technology designed to hold any leaks, preventing grown woman accidents. ICON panties are available in two beautiful styles: High Waisted & Bikini. I chose to take the High Waisted design out for a test drive. After trying these beauties on for the day, I must say… I was pretty impressed. I stayed dry all day… no leaks or mishaps. To really test them out and see how well they would hold up, I decided to jump on a trampoline while wearing my ICON Undies.  Once Again… no accidents or leaks. All clear! As an added bonus, they are super comfortable and soft. I actually almost forgot that I was wearing underwear.

Pictured wearing ICON undies. https://www.iconundies.com

In addition to being in awe of these well made undies, I was equally impressed with their philanthropic work. The creators of THINX/ ICON are heavily involved with the Fistula Foundation. What is Fistual (Obstetric Fistula)? An obstetric fistula is a hole between the vagina and rectum or bladder that is caused by prolonged obstructed labor, leaving a woman incontinent of urine or feces or both. Research shows that there are 1 million women living with Fistula.

"At the heart of our mission as a company is a focus on eliminating the shame and anxiety that women feel when they are held back by their bodies. We support that mission twofold: through our products in the first world, and by improving the lives of girls and women in developing countries through our giveback."--Kejal McDonald (VP of Marketing)

Calculated in every pair of ICON underwear sold, contributions are made toward the surgery and treatment (including antibiotics, transportation, recovery and education) for women living with Fistula. "The best part of the Fistula Foundation's work, is that once women have had this life-changing surgery, they also have access to education and midwife/ nurse training to assist other women." --KM

Here's how it all breaks down:

•    One pair of Icon underwear can provide a single course of injectable antibiotic to give to a woman prior to surgery to prevent infection.

•    Two pairs of Icon underwear can provide rehabilitation training materials for a woman after her surgery.

•    40 pairs of Icon underwear can fund transportation to the fistula surgery for one woman.

•    300 pairs of Icon underwear can fund a life-changing surgery to repair one woman's obstetric fistula.

An amazing pair of undies that you can feel confident in, all while assisting in the rebuilding of our fellow women’s confidence across the globe… I'm totally down for that!

Yes, my body has changed. My boobs may point a bit more south than I’d like. My butt may not be as firm as desired. My belly may not be as chiseled as in years past (perhaps that was just in my head). While my body may lack society’s standards of perfection, THIS body is mine. It has housed and nourished (and is still nourishing) two baby boys. I thank God for my "fun" bladder, as it serves as a reminder that I pushed a baby out of my vagina LIKE A BOSS. I… Gave…Birth… and now my body shows it. For this I am forever grateful.

Natural Childbirth...Why I Went the Non-Medicated Route.

Most mothers-to-be are wired with the same capabilities and innate womb strength to bring life into the world the way our powerful foremothers did. However, natural childbirth is not eagerly embraced by women with low thresholds of pain or an attachment to modern medicine or technology. Some women have no desire for natural childbirth while other women want the entire experience. I was one of those women.

When my husband and I began to research hospitals, we were not happy with their labor and delivery rooms. They seemed too bright, too cold and too busy. So we were both excited and interested as we researched, consulted with and toured our chosen birthing center. 

Soon after, I decided to tell some of our close family and friends about our natural birthing adventure and was met with, “Why would you want to do something like that when you don’t have to?” “Suppose something happens to the baby and there is no doctor around?” The most memorable comment was, “Oh ok… you say that now, wait until that pain kicks in! You’re gonna wish you were in that hospital getting an epidural. “

Nevertheless, we committed, attended classes and monthly exams. Nine months later, my early labor phase gradually turned into active labor. While driving to the birthing center my excited smiles of “it’s time to have a baby” turned into wide-eyed sobering moans. When we arrived at our home away from home, I felt a sense of peace. The center had the comfort level of a bed and breakfast or a cottage. 

Once I changed clothes preparing for delivery, the pain became so intense I panicked and wanted to yell, “I changed my mind, I can’t do this!” It was at that very moment when my midwife walked through the door. She reassured me that everything was going according to plan, and then she walked me through my next steps, reminded me of my breathing techniques and we proceeded. She was just the relief I needed.

About six hours after my transition phase began and what seemed like an eternity trying to push out his head, my son was born into a peaceful environment surrounded by family, a midwife and his parents. We were so grateful that we made the birthing choice that was right for our new family. It was such a beautiful experience, we did it two more times.

Copyright © 2016 by Angela J. Williams

#OscarsSoWhite....Who's Really At Fault? My perspective as a mother of two brown boys

"Its just movies", said the white guy. 

I sat there, speachless..but not shocked..

"It's JUST movies"..

I tried to think of a quick response. 

How could he say that its JUST movies?

This guy wasn't some racist bigot from the backwoods. He was a friend. Nor did I view his statement as such... Ignorant? Yes. Perhaps even lacking empathy. Nevertheless, I sat there. Mouth agasp..

First and foremost, let me start by saying that I am not the Lorax of all mothers of black children (google the Lorax, if you are not familiar). Nor am I an actor.  Simply put, the outlook shared in this blog post is reflected from a mother of two black boys, and that alone..

Jax, my oldest was six years old. He was sharing attributes of one of his many favorite super heroes at the time... Super Man. The friend whom he was having this discussion with listened intently, and commented on how one day perhaps he could be a super hero, or even better, perhaps HE could be Super Man. Jax responds, "I could never be Super Man..I'm not white." His friend and myself stood there shocked. More than likely sensing the surprise now resting on his two member audience, Jax quickly added "I can be President... I just can't be Super Man."

Why did my son feel this way?  I couldn't necessarily disprove his observation. I, his mother, who has enforced repeatedly that he can do anything, had nothing to say. Could this be true? Could it be that MY brown boys have a greater chance at ruling the free world, than being a vigilante in tights? Perhaps. Either way, there was obviously a clear message being received by my then six year old. I CAN'T BE SUPERMAN.. and more specifically, BROWN BOYS CAN'T BE SUPERMAN.

Initially, I purposed for this piece to be centered around the #OscarsSoWhite hashtag that has circulated social media. However, the truth is... there is a deeper rooted issue than simply African Americans being nominated for a gold trophy. Black actors would first need to get past the role/opportunity gatekeepers to be cast in the coveted roles that lead to the nominations. Actress, Viola Davis, said it best, “You cannot win an Emmy (in this case an Oscar) for roles that are simply not there”...“The only thing that separates women of color from everyone else is opportunity.” Blaming the Oscars simply puts a bandaid on a gunshot wound that needs healing. Perhaps sincere change starts with the previously mentioned "gatekeepers"... the producers, studio execs, and casting directors, who deem it socially acceptable to not cast a positive super hero of color OR the next African American James Bond... Yet still find an a majority white Egypt far easier to digest. Could the root problem begin with the lack of diversity in positions of power?

Based on USA Today's Diversity Report of 14 major film studios, we are headed for another possible repeat of an all white Oscars for 2017. None of the studios recieved A's... only 4 received B's... majority received C's... Paramount received an F. Acting head of the NAACP Hollywood branch, Robin Harrison mentioned of a coaltion that has been meeting with TV networks for the past 15 years... thus resulting in TV making more progress than the film world. Needless to say, there is work to be done.  

 Entertainment plays a part in our everyday lives. The diversity that we see in our day to day run around should be reflected as such. When black men are cast as astronauts sent into outer space, or simply a teacher (who rescues a classroom of inner city kids...not just black kids either)... that is when we have made true progress. As I mentioned previously, I am not an actor or The African American's Lorax. I am simply a mother who feels that the narrative must change... not just for my boys, but for all children of color. To the Studio Execs, Casting Directors, and Suits....Our children hear you loud and clear..

"Its just movies", said the white guy. But is it, really?

Eddie Murphy's speech when he presented the award for Best Picture at the Academy Awards in 1988.