Cultivate Peace.

We are officially in the homestretch… Truthfully, I feel as if I have been pregnant for 5,011 weeks. I can’t see my toes. Hell, I can’t see my vagina. Anything from the waist down (legs included) are a complete guessing game. As I've written before, this pregnancy has not only felt completely different than my previous pregnancies, but it has taught me some beautiful lessons along the way. I have learned to trust my body. I have learned to lean into the truth that I know what's best for me and this body that serves me every single day. I’ve learned that my joy… my happiness is imperative. I discovered that placing boundaries in order to protect my joy is not only necessary but wise. I have begun to practice what I preach in regards to leaning on my village! Truthfully, this has been easier said than done.

During this pregnancy of Baby Stereo, I have been busier than ever! At least busier, than at any time during my previous pregnancies. Between juggling postpartum doula clients, to planning and executing Moms In Color Events, to simply being a mama while my husband is traveling abroad for work, its been a lot. I've had to be a lot more gentle and kind to myself, and rid myself of the notion that somehow, someway, I could balance it all at once. I had to be present and in the moment. The moment that I tried to take on too much would prove to be the moment that my pregnant body would let me know that perhaps I should slow it down.

Around 29 weeks, I started having Braxton Hicks. No biggie. Totally normal for these warm-up contractions to begin. But then, I noticed that these practice contractions would become a bit more intense depending on what I was doing or viewing (Side Note: Dear pregnant people, be mindful of what you take in visually during pregnancy. More on that later.) Around 31 weeks, the Braxton Hicks became a bit more intense. At 33 weeks, (after watching something online that perhaps I shouldn’t have…) I had a Braxton hicks contraction that felt a bit painful. Was I in early labor? I couldn’t be. That week, my midwife and I both decided that perhaps it was time for me to journey to the exotic destination of bed and couch island.

While on bed and couch island, I decided to try out my new Bloomlife Monitor. Bloomlife is a women's resource that allows preggo people to monitor contraction information in real time. It provides information such as the duration of contractions, as well as frequency via a sensor gently placed three fingers below your belly button. The Bloomlife monitor gathers this information without the use of ultrasound and is completely non-invasive/ passive. This means, that this monitor is safe for continuous use. For me, the non-invasive component played a big part in my decision to take this monitor for a test drive. I’m a super chill mama, who has opted to have a homebirth. I am super reluctant about putting any "beepy" things on my body. This felt like a good middle ground for gathering information regarding what was happening in my body and not feeling as though I was feeding the technological monster. What I loved about the Bloomlife is that it doesn’t tell you when to call the midwife or when to pack your bags and head to the hospital. It is simply a tool to empower you to make an informed decision. The contraction information gathered can be viewed on your mobile device via the Bloomlife App.

Lastly, I feel that combining intuition with a resource such as the Bloomlife Monitor can be super helpful in supporting parents as they gear up to their labor journey. The monitor can be used simply as confirmation of your intuitive instinct. Which leads lead me to my final point. Trust yourself. Know yourself. If you are the kind of birthing person, who by seeing information real time, provides you peace, then the Bloomlife is for you. If you are the kind of birthing person, who by seeing information real time, could leave you feeling overwhelmed… Perhaps it may prove beneficial to have a friend, your partner, or your support system keep an eye out as the contraction monitor does its thing! Do what brings you the most peace and comfort. Do what feels right for you, and what leaves you feeling most empowered and supported. Gather all the joy… all the peace… lean into your deep intuitive birthing essence.

Retreat, Rest and Return

I took a breath. A much-needed breath. In January, our family experienced a loss, a miscarriage. In March, I found out we were pregnant again. I received this news after birthing our Moms In Color Conference. I was completely unaware that I was pregnant the entire time, of our event. The cherry on top would be that my husband was out of the country, working, virtually the entirety of my first trimester. This left me with caring for myself and our growing babe and caring for our two boys, solo (but not so solo, as Jon was still super involved)  for two and a half months. It was a lot. I had to purposefully, decide that I was important, that I was necessary. 

Resting is necessary. Whether it be resting from screen time to connect deeply with those who matter most, or simply unplugging, the reward will always be life-giving. I learned that by simply resting and taking a moment to reflect, to go inward, to sit in whatever it was that I was feeling, I would always walk away feeling clearer and most centered. 

Creating space for oneself isn't selfish. It's beautiful. Creating boundaries to shape that space is necessary. I knew that in order for me to show up for my two boys and this growing babe, I had to show up for myself. I realized that I would have to take space and that no one was going to simply offer that said space. I would have to take it and water it, with the same care that I water my plants. I knew that if I were to flourish and grow, I would have to create the soil that fostered just that. Truthfully, taking time to pause and to take care, was and is an act of resistance in and of itself. Demanding space within a world that pauses for no one, is an act of beautiful rebellion in its truest form. In fact, some may treat your ability to Selah as an act of treason. Selah, anyway. 

During this rest, I took a break from the blog, returning some emails, text messages, and some DM's. I stepped away from any and all things that felt toxic and/or stagnant, both virtually and in real life. I guarded my eyes, my ears, and my heart.  Then, I returned... I am still returning. 

How are you taking space for yourself today? How are you resting? How are you growing? 

1 Year Later... My Unmedicated Birth Story

It was around 9am when my water broke... I had just gotten out of the shower and was putting on my underwear in our bedroom when I felt a slow trickle of warm water run down my leg and on to the floor. At first, I thought, 'Am I really peeing on myself?'... My water didn't break like on the movies where there is this huge splash triggering pandemonium of labor and a mad dash to the hospital or a phone call to the midwife. It was just a slow...trickle... of water. I yelled for Jon to come to the room so that he too could analyze what was poppin in the champaign room. The more I moved, the more water trickled down... For sure, my water had broken. 

I was determined. I was determined to get as much done before Mr. Jedi made his appearance. I wasn't having contractions at this point. However, I knew that at any moment things were about to get rolling. So, I did what any mama would do with their second kid after their water breaks... I took my oldest kid to the dentist. Jax had an appointment at 10:00am in which we were already running late. I called the office informing them that I was in early labor and that my water had broken and that I still wanted to keep Jax's appointment. I also called my doctor. He advised me to time my contractions and come in when things really get going. So off to the dentist we went... Afterward, we went to Whole Foods and picked up some snacks for the hospital... walked over to The Grove and walked around a bit... I wanted to stay active. I was ready to get this baby out.

Afterward, we went home, and had a "big brother" ceremony, where we officially promoted Jax to his new position of "the older sibling."  It was beautiful and empowering.

I bounced on my birthing ball. I ate. I binged watched hours of the HBO series, "Treme". It was pretty amazing. My contractions were still irregular. Day turned into night. I slept. I bounced. Nothing. Around 10:30pm that night, my contractions became closer..  Around midnight, Jon loaded up the car, called our birthing posse, and woke up Jax, and we all piled into the car and headed to the hospital. 

Upon arrival, they checked me and I was only around 2-3 centimeters dilated. Not much. However, because my water had broken, they admitted me and took us to our birthing room. 

Jon prepared our space. Although our first choice was not to birth in a hospital (thank you weird insurance...sarcasm) Jon did an amazing job of making our birthing room look like home... not only by bringing our favorite things from home, but by truly preparing the space to welcome our little one. We had our salt lamps glowing. Our PF Candle Co. candles burning and our Sonos  speakers playing our desired Pandora music channel... Our room was beautiful. After settling into our room around 4am, I bounced on my birthing ball for a bit and decided to get some sleep.

3 hrs later... 7:00am. Katelyn (my doula) and I wake up. Jon takes Jax to grab some breakfast. Katelyn & I start bouncing and walking. Contractions are still a bit unsteady. I eat some fruit. More bouncing. Its around noon and our good friend Paige arrives. She takes Jax to grab food... Angela, my mama mentor is there as well. All of my peeps decide that its best to cover the clocks, as by this point I am starting to wonder if this baby is ever going to come out. Perhaps I knew that this was going to take a while (hence me running all the errands that I ran prior). This was a bit surprising... My first labor with Jax, being just over 18 hours WITH Pitosin. This labor was taking a while.

3 hours later... 3:00pm. Jon encourages me to walk around... and by "encourage" I mean he tells me,  "Hey, lets speed walk and do some lunges around the hospital"... And that's what we did. We did this for about an hour. Me, Jon, Jax, Angela, and Katelynn (my doula). Jon was right! The more we walked, the more  the contractions came. The stronger they came, AND the more frequent... Before I knew it, I was in high gear labor... My conversations started to shorten as my contractions became more intense. I continued to walk (and pause during contractions). They became more and more intense. Thank God for the hypno birthing techniques that I learned. I went inward. I focused on my breath. I reminded myself that every contraction was bringing me closer to seeing my baby. 

Its around 1:30am. Still no baby. At this point. I am exhausted. I feel like I can't keep going... I tell Jon, that I can't keep going... My goal was to have an unmedicated birth. I had read all the books and watched all the documentaries... Yes, hypno birthing techniques had gotten me to this point without completely losing it, but I feel like I can't continue another hour with this kind of intensity. The nurse informs me that I am at 9 1/2 centimeters. I am in transition. The final throws of labor. At this point, my body wants to push!!! In fact, my body starts to push... The nurse tells me that I can't push, because I'm not quite at 10 centimeters. Angela, grabs my hand. I continue to breathe... The nurse offers me pain medication similar to morphine. I ALMOST took it.... ALMOST.. To be honest, if the nurse had offered me crack, I may have considered it....It was THAT intense.

Its funny how when things get tough, the want for a maternal figure begins to present itself. In that moment, I began to cry for my mother (who had passed away 3 years prior) I wanted her there. She was at my previous birth with Jax. The intensity of it all... in that moment... without her was real. At this point, Jon asked everyone to leave the room. He then reminds me that I have the right to do whatever I want to do in this moment... to take the pain medication (or not) that was just offered by the nurse. He also reminded me of what I wanted in this birth... to birth without medication... to stand and push my baby out. He then makes a deal with me. He says, "If this baby isn't out in 30 minutes, lets revisit this conversation... You got this!!!" ... I agreed. 

The nurse comes in, she checks me again, and says that I can push. I'm on my back, and I push. The doctor comes in checks me while I'm pushing. He says that I probably have another hour or so. He leaves out... I continue to push on my back and nothing. Jon then asks if I would like to stand up. I say yes... as laying on my back didn't seem to be working. He instructs me that before my next contraction, he was going to swing my legs around toward the bedside so that I could stand up. At this point, it seems like I only have seconds in between contractions. I stood up. I have the biggest contraction, that I've had the entire night. I let out a lion like tribal roar, and I feel my baby's head emerge. I utter the words,  "There's the head"...And as soon as I say that, the rest of my baby's body emerges and literally falls out barely missing the floor, and into my husband's hands. It all happened so quickly, Jedi was upside down... dangling from my vagina in what could be best compared to the famous Tom Cruise Mission Impossible stunt . It was truly amazing. Jon and the nurse were having difficulty grabbing a hold of him, as he was slippery. The nurse says, "Brandi, grab your baby."... And I did just that. I grab him with total control that only a mama possesses. I lay down on the bed, and lay him on my chest. 

This particular birth wasn't exactly how I imagined. It was way longer... 43 hours to be exact. However, it was exactly what I wanted. I was able to birth exactly HOW I wanted... the WAY I wanted.. I was able to birth surrounded with the people that I love, free from unnecessary interventions... WITHOUT fear. People who hear my birthing story, often ask me if I am now a proponent for unmedicated childbirth. The truth is, I am a proponent for women birthing the way that THEY desire to birth... HOWEVER they desire to birth. I feel as though, too often the choice/ option to birth freely is not presented. Women from the beginning are programmed to fear the beautiful task that their bodies are capable of performing...  I am Pro-Freedom in birth. I am Pro- Momma... In my case, I was able to trust my instinct and push my baby from my womb, while standing like a boss. Yes, it was the most physically intense experience that I had ever gone through... I felt like my back was being ripped open. I was in pain. I will not lie. But, I feel as though pain/ intensity is not necessarily a bad thing. It reminds us that we are alive and that we are human. Afterwards, I felt strong... I had just birthed on MY terms... In my mind and heart, from this point on, nothing was impossible... I could truly do anything... 

Finding Freedom Through Motherhood...

My name is Breck Oxford, I'm 36 years old and I'm a vegan personal chef. 
As I sit here and write this story, I'm both nervous and excited to share my experience which has lead me to exactly where I am now...sitting on a birthing ball awaiting the arrival of my first child, a Sun. One of the first conversations my partner and I had was about how we envisioned childbirth... and we both said, at home in water.  This was 9 years ago...

By 33, I made up my mind that I enjoyed my life without being a mother. I enjoyed not having the responsibility of being "tied down" and being able to pick up and go. I was in an on again off again relationship for 9 years and didn't know where that was headed. I just knew having a child wasn't a part of my story!

After much work on ourselves separately,  dating and even developing feelings for other people we decided that we ( my on and off 9 year love) wanted to be with one another. This was the first real decision I made as a women, having no regard for what anyone thought. We worked hard and found ourselves in a place we've always dreamed of being with one another...happiness. It was light, and we'd been through so much, the only thing left was love. I was beyond ecstatic that everything in my life was how I pictured it. I had the relationship I wanted, a supportive family, friends and my career was headed in the right direction.

November 20, 2016 ( 2 days before my 36 solar return) I found out the unthinkable...I was pregnant!  Great news right?! WRONG. I wanted no parts of this. I called my partner into the bathroom and shared the news, he was filled with so much joy and kissed away my tears of utter disappointment. In fact, I remember saying, "I don't want this". I was pissed.  I thought 'Great, I'm not even a mom yet and my life is already ruined...my bday plans are cancelled, no turn up.' It took me a few months to really accept that I was pregnant.  Then something happened... I fell in love with taking care of this little one growing inside of me. The party girl lifestyle became an afterthought, all I wanted to do was protect my little baby, my personal package. My relationships got stronger and some completely vanished. 

Creating life has shifted my focus, given me a sense of strength and gratitude I've never had before. What I initially thought would "tie me down" has freed me so. I now have the power to say NO! Maybe a small feat for many, but for me going through this beautiful journey has been nothing more than my path towards womanhood. I am no longer in a prison of other people's thoughts and ideas. I am love, I am gratitude and I am an expecting mother.  Thank you Sun for saving me from myself when I didn't even know I needed saving.  I'm looking forward to this next adventure!

Peace, Love & Rainbows

Breck

Me, Myself, and I... Empowering My Conception

Is Shame Getting The Best Of Your Fertility? Are you worried about getting pregnant? Do you think all your eggs have gone bad? Are you mad at yourself or your partner for waiting too long to try for a baby?Did someone tell you that you are too old to get pregnant naturally?  These are the types of worries I hear about day in and day out in my clinic.  And, I wish it weren't the case, but it is: women are dealing with a tremendous amount of shame surrounding their age and their ability to get pregnant.  

As a women's health and fertility expert who got pregnant naturally at the age of 40 (after only a few months of trying!) I am here to quell your fears.  I have been helping women optimize their health and fertility for over a decade and what I see over and over again is that your ability to get pregnant has less to do with your age and more to do with your overall health.  You see, pregnancy is a physiological luxury—one that all women, up until their mid to late 40's—should be able to enjoy if they are in optimal health.  As I always say, when a women's body is in optimal health, getting pregnant comes naturally because that is what the female body is primed to do. However, when the body is under duress or is malnourished or sleep deprived or depressed it does not have the reserves to procreate.  Rather, it is in survival mode and creating another life and nourishing and nurturing it for ten months it is out of the question.  Think about it, how can a body that is barely surviving itself get pregnant?

On top of that, the hard data does not support the fact that fertility declines dramatically with age. Yes, fertility declines as we get older, but not nearly to the extent we are led to believe.  Most information out there on age and fertility tells us that one in three women (about 33%) over the age of 35 will NOT get pregnant naturally after one year of trying.  Yet, the science says something different: a women's odds of conceiving within one year of trying from age 35 to 40 is only about 7% to 8% less than that of a women aged 27 to 30 (http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/).  Furthermore, there is emerging scientific research that supports the fact that physiological age (meaning how old our cells are) plays a much greater role in fertility (and health) than does chronological age (how many years old we are) (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3857638/)

What does all this mean to you?  Bottom line: you can shift your health and improve your fertility.  Yes, you can!  Even if you've been told you have low ovarian reserve, you can still improve the quality of the eggs you do have left.  You can always improve the quality of your overall health and it is from a place of abundant and flourishing health that life can be created.  My advice: focus less on your age and more on your health.