Brandee's Self Love Letter

When I was asked to write a love letter to myself, my initial reaction was “Sure, thats easy!”. I quickly found out the opposite. As I sat and thought about what I wanted to say to myself, it got me thinking about how i love in general? Im not that poetic girl who reads Maya Angelou poems and can quote “Phenomenal Woman, Thats Me” at the drop of a dime. I don't watch Super Soul Sundays. Heck, I have trouble writing a deep message on the inside of a birthday card! All that to say, I realized I’m not a “talker” I’m a “do-er"... a woman of action. I may not always have the right words to say, but I can cook you a pot of collard greens to make you feel better. So thats what I’m going to do for my younger self.

I decided to give my 12yr old self a check list of sorts... a way to "do over" if you will, some of my 34yr old selfs mistakes. An almanac... a cheat sheet. I realized that the best way to show myself love is to "Do" or "Do Over".. Here it goes:

Hey Bran, I know its rough being a pre-teen, you just got your period and you have no idea where to put that stick thingy mom gave you. Your wondering when your going to get some “boobies” (they will come). In the meantime, call Dad. I know he's been a mess lately with the drinking but he wont be here for long and your going to regret not talking to him more. Days like your wedding day (yes, your getting married!) and when your son is born (yes, your gonna be a mom too!) and many more times in your life. So please put the hard feelings to the side and just give him a big hug and a kiss (and and extra from me).

A few years later when your in high school, you’re going to have your first heart break. Sorry, but it wont be the last, and if it makes you feel any better they get easier overtime. This first heartbreak however, don't let it rob you of your identity. Keep that virginity you hold so sacred. Don’t give it to him, he’s not worth it! However, you did get a good hair cut after it was all said and done (you tend to cut your hair when major life changes happen). Don’t waste your time stressing and fighting girls at school over his philandering ways. Focus on school and dance team (your going to need it). In general, the first sign a bullsh*t from him RUN!

When you're 25, your dream of a life as a professional dancer will come true! Please enjoy it. You worked so hard to get there. Mom sacrificed a lot for it - driving you back and forth to classes 5 days a week, skipping house bills to buy recital costumes. It will be one of the best times in your life. Don’t stress yourself out thinking about whats next, enjoy the moment. Enjoy your hard work. You're good enough. Don’t cry at night comparing yourself to everyone else. You're where you are for a reason and the reason is YOU! You have so much light and life inside of you, don't let your past disappointments rob you of such an amazing experience. So you were asked to loose 10lbs bc all the other dancers are tall and thin and your short and thick...such ugly words you use to describe yourself! Your not short and thick... your petite and curvy.  AND anyways, in 5 more years, people are going to be buying the curves you have, so just look at it as fashion forward. You can still dance them all to the ground! Love yourself!

Overall Bran, you have it in you to do and be whatever you want! Keep pushing yourself and believing in you when nobody else does. There’s literally nothing that can stop you, and remember I LOVE YOU!

P.S. Avoid dating any guy whose name starts with a C, T, D or R!!!! 

Why I March... AND why I almost Didn't

... because women's rights are important... because I want my boys to not only see, but experience strong women using their voices to fight injustice. Like many, this election-cycle has triggered many emotions for me. The outcome has triggered anger, sadness, and empowerment. I march because I am a woman who takes great pride in knowing that raising young men to respect women is not only a necessity but should be the norm. These are all the reasons why I march. However, I almost did not.  

The outpouring of women banning together to march and protest has made me so proud to be a woman... yet somehow, the feeling is bittersweet. I began to ponder the question of "why has it taken this particular election to produce this level of solidarity?" Should not the countless crimes against people of color from last year alone, have triggered a similar onslaught of concern & "being woke" that is now being demonstrated? Truthfully, many people of color have been in a rage before now. Many of us have already been afraid. James Baldwin said it best, "To be black and conscious in America is to be in a constant rage." The Women's March, although necessary, feels bittersweet because it echoes a sad societal truth that Black Lives only matter when White Lives do. And that's unfortunate.

The morning after the election, I was in my car, and I saw two white women hugging, consoling each other. I came to understand that they were discussing the outcome of the election. They had tears in their eyes. They were grieving… heartbroken. However, if I have to be honest, seeing these women grieving this openly, saddened me. It saddened me to realize that I hadn't witnessed this level of grief over the atrocities that had occurred during the killings of numerous unarmed men and women of color in past years. It would have been nice to see these same white women hugging and consoling each other following the murders of Sandra Bland or Korryn Gains. People of color have been saying that this country has work to do, and it seems that up until now, our cries have seemingly gone unheard. I’ve said it before, Trump didn’t happen over night. While the outcome of this election may have come as a shock to many,  it definitely has not for most people of color. It’s not that surprising that this country has yet to heal from its racist past. Truthfully, when white women approach me with their mouth a gasp in shock, wondering how Trump is now our President elect, my initial response: “the same way a police officer can murder a twelve year old black boy and not see jail time.”  

Dear white women… welcome to the party.. A couple of months back, my youngest son and I were coming out of the grocery store, and this white woman approached us and began telling us how much she just loved “us”… how she just loved our skin and so on and so forth. She then, went into this monologue of “oppression” and how black men have to fight the oppressor. It was really overwhelming. After a couple of minutes of her educating me on the state of my people, she bid me farewell, and I was left overloaded and exhausted. Here I was just trying to be a care free black girl, shopping for kale, and suddenly, I was bombarded by this overzealous character and her need to educate me. What’s my problem with her approach? I had a few. 

For example, the same amount of effort she was using to prove her “wokeness,” should've been put into educating people who look like her. Why preach to the choir? Hopefully, the same speech that she so passionately needed to orate in the Whole Foods parking lot, will be echoed to her family members or friends that may really need to hear it. Talking to people of color about the horridness of this election is pretty pointless and counterproductive to true change. If you're not ready OR willing to have those difficult conversations with your family members and friends who voted for Trump, please spare me your performance. If you're not willing to use your privilege OR whatever platform that you may have to engage in these difficult conversations, your privilege and platform is void of value. I’m sure that the woman who stopped me in the grocery store parking lot meant well. However, that conversation wasn't for me. 

Lastly, as crazy as it is that Donald J. Trump will be sworn in as our 45th President today, I remain hopeful that today will mark a new era of awareness of others. The veil has been pulled away for many. My hope is that this march will trigger a love for each other that has never been exhibited in years prior.  My hope is that we will begin to truly care for one another... that we will weep with those who weep and truly mourn with those who mourn, even when it doesn't affect us personally. My hope is that we will listen and protest and march with those who may not share the same skin, knowing that if it hurts one, it will eventually trickle down and hurt us all.  Marching is necessary. Great change has happened because people have marched. My hope is that this passion for change and awareness of others will not end with the Women's March, and that our anger whether newly acquired or carried as long as we can remember, will not burn out, but will ignite a passion and a tangible shift for future generations...Tis true, the outrage, anger and passion for change that many are feeling today simply echoes what people of color have felt all along. This country has much work to do. Perhaps the march is the beginning of that work...