Showing Up

You can do hard things, and when you cant…Rest + try again tomorrow.

There are times to push through and times to take pause. Like many, it can be somewhat hard to determine which is which. Today, I was productive, and I mean productive because I accomplished everything off of “my list.” Truthfully, this weekend started with a long list of both work and personal goals. The list contained everything from book stuff to blog posts to decorating for an upcoming project. At first glance, I felt overwhelmed, wondering if I would be able to pull off half of my to-do’s. Between quarantine and kids running around, coupled with the way, my mind can jump from one thing to the next with the agility of an acrobat. I worried. I worried that either I would become so overwhelmed or distracted by it all. I imagined myself starting fingers to keyboard, writing my first sentence only for it to be interrupted by a young child running full speed into my room or by the idea of instead baking cupcakes. Here are a few ways that felt grounding in my quest to stay on task and accomplish every one of my goals!! 

1. Know thyself. Prolonged doses of extreme concentration have proven to be hard. All-day (with no breaks) on one task is not my jam. The solution? Jon, my Virgo husband, suggested that I work 45 minutes straight and then take 15-minute intervals of rest in between. If by chance 30 minutes was all that I could do, then that was ok too. 

2. Set your intentions. Before I would begin, I would start by listing the top 2-3 things that were imperative to get done. If I were left with additional time or felt energized to do more, I would go for it. 

3. Show grace. We must restructure the meaning of productivity, especially during COVID. We must operate within an overflow of grace toward self. Waking up, taking a shower, caring for those around you and yourself is what’s important! By simply showing up, imperfect, yet present, this is productivity. 

WAP

We hold shame within our bodies.
Do not touch.
Do not look.
Do not feel.
Our relationship to our bodies can be complicated and nuanced, dancing between moments of empowerment and distrust. Where did this originate? How did we get here?

Many have heard Cardi B and Meg the Stallion's new single, WAP. Some have loved it and embraced, while others have exhibited big feelings surrounding black women expressing their sexuality and embracing what pleases them openly. I am here for it, not just because our male counterparts express their sexual desire all the damn time (and often it is laced with misogyny + and toxic masculinity). I am here for it because I am anti shame - Especially when it comes to our bodies.

Our bodies do magical things. Beyond birthing babies, our vaginas, provide moisture to keep ourselves healthy and balanced. Our vaginas even clean themselves. Yep, our vaginas are self-cleaning. When it comes to arousal, the clitoris is much like the penis, as it has a hood and a shaft, expect it has almost double the number of nerve endings as its male counterpart (around 8,000 nerve endings to be exact.) The clit is such a beautiful house of pleasure; only 1/4 exists outside of the body, while 3/4 remains inside.

In the words of my dear friend, Dr. Kameelah Phillips, "Our WAP speaks to us.
The lubrication says, "Hey girl, get your groove on."
The fragrance says, "I'm here! I'm just chillin' and healthy."
The color says, "Hey, your flow is on its way-get ready."

Happy. New. Year.

It's New Year's Day. This, of course, means that resolutions are made. Vision boards are created. Plans are put into motion. Beautiful intentions are set. I think that we can all agree that the celebration of the New Year, carries great expectation. I believe that while we cast our net wide and deep, self-care must be in the forefront. What does self-care look like in the New Year? 

For me, self-care looks like temporarily escaping and going plant shopping. I know, pretty simple. I love plants. I connect with them. They make me happy. For me, there is nothing quite as peaceful as walking through a beautiful nursery of greenery. I count it a privelege to witness how plants reach toward the sun, grabbing every pinch of light it can possibly hold. Its worship at its finest. Its beauty at its finest. 

Self-care looks dry brushing and exfoliating away the yuck of yesterday. I love applying an amazon clay mask w/ turmeric and then using my favorite plant medicine (essential oils). As I sit on my sofa, allowing my mask to dry, I sip on my Holy Wellness Tea by Honey and Sage Co. I enjoy burning Palo Santo while Ella plays in the background... Self Care looks like lounging on my sofa while my skin soaks up every ounce of lavender oil applied post-shower. 

Self-care looks like not looking at your phone for an hour in the morning. This was one of the many things that I implemented during my 30 days of creating ritual. There is something beautiful about sitting with yourself before taking on the rest of the world, and its news. 

Self Care looks like taking a dance class. This year, I co-facilitated an event that centered around self-love. We wrote love letters to ourselves. We cried. We danced. We reconnected with our bodies. 

Self-care looks like intentionally preparing a meal. I believe that I deserve good food. I believe that I deserve a good meal that is filled with love. Sometimes, when I have a quiet moment to myself at the house, I will go into my kitchen and prepare myself a meal fit for a queen. Because I am a queen. 

Lastly, self-care looks like gratitude. I am so very grateful. Today marks two years in which I pressed the publish button to #NotSoPrivateParts. I remember being frightened by such vulnerability. Creating this platform, has produced so much freedom. For this, I show gratitude. How will you self-care in the New Year? 

Katie's Selah Moment

For a long time, poetry was my hidden place...exclusively mine. No one allowed in- including my husband. And for a long time, I didn’t write because I was broken. My brokenness suffocated any type of creating. It’s funny because starting this shop forced me to step out from behind my comfortable curtain and learn in a new way that “I am worthy.” I write because words heal and if my words resonate with your heart, I’m so glad my hidden place is no longer exclusively mine. 

“Arrows”

When did you stop living free? 

Where did you feel last alive?

She journeys back to the rubble, 

revisits every splintered piece.

Notices a tied down broken arrow 

hidden beneath a lifeless scene.

She reaches in, to say “thank you,” 

for every directionless year she lost.

Her wandering…

… found truth.

The sun as her compass 

guided her soul.

And where the light settles in 

she is restored!

Courage sings her song 

an arrow soaring free!

-Katie Lyn

My Self Love Letter

As I sit her attempting to write a love letter to myself... attempting to do the very thing that I have asked other women to do, I now see the hesitation in doing so. I see the frustration. I now understand how for most women... for most people...it is easier said than done. Unfortunately, Speaking well of yourself can prove to be quite daunting...To show love to yourself... To extend to ourselves the same portion of grace and second (and sometimes third chances) that we so graciously extend to others can feel impossible... Implementing Self Care in a culture that requires us to give until we are left with nothing is an act of rebellion in and of itself... Embracing that we must first fill ourselves with the oxygen of self love and self worth is the first step in truly loving and caring for those whom we hold so very dear. Only then can we give the love that we so richly possess.  

This is MY self love letter...

Dear Brandi,

You are dope!  For the first time, you are realizing your purpose. For the first time, you are ok with the shifting. Your mom would be proud...I love your eyes... Your laugh lines that frame your mouth. I love your dark skin. I love your fluidity. You can truly make anything work.  You finally realize that you are worthy and have value. You are worthy of the smile that you now possess. You are worthy of the healthy friendships and wonderful women whom you have the honor to call friend... You are worthy of your healthy marriage. You guys put in the work... You are worthy of the beautiful children that you are raising... God knows motherhood isn't always seamless. Its not alway perfect. However, everyday you put on your mama panties and pour all the love and wisdom that you have acquired along the way into those beautiful souls who chose YOU to be their mother... and that's beautiful. Walk through today and everyday knowing that you are worthy of love... You are loved. 

Love always,

Self