Practicing Gratitude and Celebration

For our family, the first week of November is a full one, immersed in celebration and love. During November 8-14, we celebrate two birthdays and an anniversary. No, we didn't plan it this way, if that's what you're going to ask. It just is what it is. This year was a bit different. Between our sons' milestone birthdays (Jax age 14 and Jupiter age 2) and our 15th anniversary, we felt a bit of pressure. Considering how 2020 started and the celebration and gratitude that we both wanted to share, we subconsciously felt immense pressure to do the most. For the boys' birthdays, we didn't feel comfortable doing a birthday party due to COVID-19 cases rising again here in Los Angeles. We also couldn't figure out where we wanted to go for our anniversary. We both felt the pressure. Where did we land? I'm glad you asked. Here are a few takeaways on embracing gratitude and letting go of the pressure to do the most.

1. Our therapist applauded us on our grit and commitment to each other during our most recent therapy session. She shared that this week's goal would be to release the pressure of performing some grand gesture of celebrating 15 years. The celebration is simply the showing up with intention and that our anniversary was not confined to one day, and that we make the rules. So, we both decided to plan a getaway in January.

2. The boys' birthdays were the sweetest this year. Jax got his long-coveted jazz bass guitar and amp. Jupiter received more wooden building blocks to knock over. Yes, I am sure that both boys (and us too) would have loved to hang out with our friends, cutting a birthday cake, and celebrating our boys. However, this year we had something even more special. Jon and Jax stayed up all night watching The Matrix movies and eating vegan cobbler. In Jax's eyes, that was better than any birthday party (well, sort of; he's still a teenager).

3. This morning, I woke up to an online conversation between Alicia Keys and Deepak Chopra. They were discussing gratitude. Chopra shared the practice of living in gratitude and how it's different from merely thinking "happy thoughts" or ignoring reality. He shared that living in gratitude is taking an intentional moment, thinking of all the things you are grateful for, and basking yourself within the celebration of it all.

Lastly, I know that times can feel heavy. The way 2020 started for our family felt like nothing short of a dumpster fire. However, I have been in constant awe of how hard times never last always + how joy cometh in the morning. Keep going. Keep pressing. Keep doing the work. It's going to be ok. 

Quarantine, Virtual Learning, and Naps Needed

Parenting during Coronavirus is tough.
Yes, in general, parenting requires a certain amount of grit and a deep-sea diver's navigation. However, I don't believe any of us were prepared for this.

For the past six months, we have been strictly quarantined within our four walls. In some ways, it's been beautiful. Refreshing. Healing. However, we needed a change in scenery. The boys were growing tired of each other's faces. Cali was on fire. The Los Angeles air was unhealthy. We were all tired. Truthfully, since the inception of the COVID-19 + ongoing racial pandemic, my anxiety has been relatively high. Like many, I have been grasping as straws, attempting to make sense and find solace in it all. Our family needed space and room to breathe.

Listen, I don't have all the answers. But what I do know is that taking a moment is needed. Assuming space is necessary. Parenting during a time like this is hard. It's exhausting even. Please know that you have permission to pause. Cry. Laugh—order in. Take a nap. Take care and take space. I see you. We're all out here trying our best. You're doing great. How are you self-caring today?

Inner Child, Calling

This year, I did something that I’ve never done before. I started therapy. Many moons ago, after the death of my mother, I began my search for a grief therapist. However, my search would prove unfruitful. Fortunately, my healing would come through the support of mentors and friends, who had walked a similiar long and windy road.

2020 has provided complete clarity concerning what I would need to thrive and live my best life. One of the many lessons that I’ve learned? If you want to heal yourself, heal your inner child. The way we see the world, react to disappointment, receive criticism often times stem from what we did or did not receive during our formative years. Truthfully, the way this world is set up in regards to attachment parenting or the lack thereof, its deficit has produced a world full of matured bodies with childhood induced wounds. If one is brave enough to lean into truth, we will all find that we can only find + appreciate joy when we heal.

So where, does that leave us? How do we begin to tend to these wounds? The short answer... We acknowledge and begin to have the conversation. We allow our adult self to see and hear our inner child. We allow our adult words to pour over like a balm. We allow our acknowledgement to create a salve that permeates deep within our cells. No one can heal our inner child, but us. This work is our own. Here’s to the journey.

In this week’s newsletter, I feature an amazing article on healing our inner child. It’s absolutely worth a read. Click the Recess Room tab to subscribe to weekly joy!

NetFlix and Chill(s)?

Heart shaped boxes, cheap chocolate, and plush teddy bears lining your local drug store. ..Valentine's Day is that time of year where lovers young and old profess their love and appreciation for one another. Dinner reservations are made, babysitters are booked weeks in advance, and couples who have not had sex in months, finally make the time to cue Marvin Gaye, and get it on. However, THIS Valentine's Day has proven to be quite different for the hubby and I. But first, lets rewind..

My husband I have now been married for 10 years, together for 14. That means..We have now celebrated 14 Valentine's Days. Every year, we have made time to go out, grab some dinner, look deeply into each other's eyes and reflect. Yes, we have been THAT couple. Around this time last year, I was three months pregnant, nauseas, and exhausted due to a tiny human making his home in my uterus. Our V-Day last year? We got a sitter for our oldest, and went to our favorite Indian Restaurant and celebrated another year and our soon to be new addition..Good enough. Years prior more than likely may have been more elaborate and perhaps a bit more sexy. But hey, it worked for us..

Fast forward one year and an extra kiddo later, and here we are. Saturday night..Valentine's Eve..the oldest kiddo has a fever..the youngest, just getting over his first cold..And the hubby and I..well, we are still adjusting. This year, our Valentine's festivities included convincing a nine year old to drink his fresh pressed orange and turmeric juice and rest, all while entertaining an energetic teething six month old..Real hot..I know.

So where did these unforeseen/ foreseen events leave us on this lover's holiday?  It left two exhausted parental units on the sofa, watching endless amount of 'Making a Murderer' while scoffing down vegan donuts(courtesy of the Mother In-Law)..Was I ok with this? Is this how I imagined this Valentine's Day #14 to be? Yes and of course not. Am I thankful? Absolutely. I have the privilege to share my life with someone who I not only love, but I like. And Isn't that what all this V-Day hoopla is about? So THIS Valentine's weekend, as we stared longingly into each other's sleep deprived eyes, I remained thankful for progression, change, and the shifting that causes us all to proceed forward in love. Here's to all the lovers..I pray your Day is filled with the love you so deeply deserve. As for us..NetFlix and Chill? More like Netflix.....and more NetFlix.

Motherhood.

Motherhood is a miraculous gift. From the beginning months in the womb, to our child's first breath, and then everyday thereafter is motherhood in it's entirety. One missing piece makes motherhood incomplete. Before I go any further, let me introduce myself. I'm Katie. I'm married to my junior high crush and I'm mommy to two miracle baby boys: Wesley and Micah. Adoption made me a mommy for the first time and thirteen short months later, I birthed my second son. Wesley is my oldest, he's petite and a mix of Samoan and black. Micah is my youngest; we call him our tank. Even though my husband is Mexican and Puerto Rican and I'm Mexican and white... Micah came out even lighter than me. You get the picture, our family doesn't really match. But for me, our family is normal. It was shortly after having my biological son that I realized that my normal is actually quite different for most. And ooohhh how the awkward stares and comments began!

I honestly can't remember the last time our family went out to eat without having at least one on-looker staring at us the entire meal. And some people even take the initiative to warn my husband that at least one of our boys don't belong to him. And for the comments, I know most are sincere and some out of curiosity, but I would be lying if I said it never bothered me. Comments like, "You did something good for one child. And now you get your own child."......"So...your not his real mom? "....."And who's your real son?" But the comment that probably stings the most was said shortly after becoming pregnant, "Now you know how it feels to be a real mommy."

I mean excuse me... do I really have to explain how our family became a family to complete strangers!! And do I really have to defend the sincerity of my love for my boys? And worse, why are moms who are in the same motherhood journey as me, judging and measuring the authenticity of my mommy-ness (if that's a word?) My initial reaction is to roll my eyes, and say "they're both my sons and we're a family. Thank you and good-bye." But after I pause, I realize that my family can shine light on the message that all families look different.

Let me first say that questions are not wrong. I've learned in the recent months to be less hypersensitive and embrace the questions, even if they're awkward. When asked about being Micah's "real" mom versus not being Wesley's "real" mom, I explain that I am both of my kids' "real" mom, but Wesley has a tummy mommy too and I am his heart mommy. There is really no wrong question, in fact, it is much better to ask a question than to just stare or make a statement about a family dynamic you may not understand.

I recently heard this quote from a well-known adoptive mom "Families don't have to match. You don't have to look like someone to love them." This is so true. But sadly in the same breath, she continued "Anyone can birth a child...but that doesn't make her a mom." I felt like the wind was knocked out of me. Wesley has an amazing birth mom. Even if for no other reason, birthing a child makes you an amazing mom. She couldn't be his everyday mommy so, she gave me the gift of raising him. This reality doesn't make her or me any less of a mom. Without each other the motherhood journey is incomplete. Motherhood was never meant to be done alone. We need each other. It takes a village and in some cases it takes two moms. Being an adoptive and biological mom, I've realized in any case, the desire is the same... to love and nurture our babies the best we can... to instill confidence and strength. No matter the difference in their birth story, they were born on purpose for a purpose. And I can't wait to watch my boys share their purpose with the rest of the world.