Shame Shame Go Away

Shame should really go away... I mean shame is like the Urkel (season 1) of emotions projected. It's annoying... It doesn't seem to have purpose... And it stays way longer than necessary.. 

I absolutely hate when I hear stories of shaming within the motherhood community. Do you breastfeed? Do you bottle feed? Do your kids wear cloth diapers? Or do they wear God forbid mainstream diapers? Wooden Blocks? Plastic Toys? It can all be a lot. With that being said, I have compiled a few ways we can all be the change we would like to see in the world of mamahood... Here are some tips on checking yourself before your wreck yourself and fall into the cycle of shaming. Please ask yourself the following:

1.) Is it helpful? We all have opinions... Sometimes we like to share them. We all have facts... We like to share those too... But is it helpful? Is it beneficial? 

2.) What's my motive? Am I giving my opinion/ fact because I truly want to help OR Is there possibly a hidden motive? Am I sharing to truly help? Or to tear down? Check that! 

3.) Is it necessary? Will this build up my sister? Excluding the special circumstances where a child is seriously in danger, most moms are truly doing the best that we know how... In that moment. Before jumping in, ask yourself, 'Is this necessary?'  We all have different parenting methods. And that's ok. Different doesn't mean bad. Bad means bad... AND we are all competent adults to know when we truly see "bad" parenting... In those cases SPEAK UP. Otherwise, if it doesn't fall into that category ... Sit back and take notes. Perhaps there is something that can be learned... 

1 Year Later... My Unmedicated Birth Story

It was around 9am when my water broke... I had just gotten out of the shower and was putting on my underwear in our bedroom when I felt a slow trickle of warm water run down my leg and on to the floor. At first, I thought, 'Am I really peeing on myself?'... My water didn't break like on the movies where there is this huge splash triggering pandemonium of labor and a mad dash to the hospital or a phone call to the midwife. It was just a slow...trickle... of water. I yelled for Jon to come to the room so that he too could analyze what was poppin in the champaign room. The more I moved, the more water trickled down... For sure, my water had broken. 

I was determined. I was determined to get as much done before Mr. Jedi made his appearance. I wasn't having contractions at this point. However, I knew that at any moment things were about to get rolling. So, I did what any mama would do with their second kid after their water breaks... I took my oldest kid to the dentist. Jax had an appointment at 10:00am in which we were already running late. I called the office informing them that I was in early labor and that my water had broken and that I still wanted to keep Jax's appointment. I also called my doctor. He advised me to time my contractions and come in when things really get going. So off to the dentist we went... Afterward, we went to Whole Foods and picked up some snacks for the hospital... walked over to The Grove and walked around a bit... I wanted to stay active. I was ready to get this baby out.

Afterward, we went home, and had a "big brother" ceremony, where we officially promoted Jax to his new position of "the older sibling."  It was beautiful and empowering.

I bounced on my birthing ball. I ate. I binged watched hours of the HBO series, "Treme". It was pretty amazing. My contractions were still irregular. Day turned into night. I slept. I bounced. Nothing. Around 10:30pm that night, my contractions became closer..  Around midnight, Jon loaded up the car, called our birthing posse, and woke up Jax, and we all piled into the car and headed to the hospital. 

Upon arrival, they checked me and I was only around 2-3 centimeters dilated. Not much. However, because my water had broken, they admitted me and took us to our birthing room. 

Jon prepared our space. Although our first choice was not to birth in a hospital (thank you weird insurance...sarcasm) Jon did an amazing job of making our birthing room look like home... not only by bringing our favorite things from home, but by truly preparing the space to welcome our little one. We had our salt lamps glowing. Our PF Candle Co. candles burning and our Sonos  speakers playing our desired Pandora music channel... Our room was beautiful. After settling into our room around 4am, I bounced on my birthing ball for a bit and decided to get some sleep.

3 hrs later... 7:00am. Katelyn (my doula) and I wake up. Jon takes Jax to grab some breakfast. Katelyn & I start bouncing and walking. Contractions are still a bit unsteady. I eat some fruit. More bouncing. Its around noon and our good friend Paige arrives. She takes Jax to grab food... Angela, my mama mentor is there as well. All of my peeps decide that its best to cover the clocks, as by this point I am starting to wonder if this baby is ever going to come out. Perhaps I knew that this was going to take a while (hence me running all the errands that I ran prior). This was a bit surprising... My first labor with Jax, being just over 18 hours WITH Pitosin. This labor was taking a while.

3 hours later... 3:00pm. Jon encourages me to walk around... and by "encourage" I mean he tells me,  "Hey, lets speed walk and do some lunges around the hospital"... And that's what we did. We did this for about an hour. Me, Jon, Jax, Angela, and Katelynn (my doula). Jon was right! The more we walked, the more  the contractions came. The stronger they came, AND the more frequent... Before I knew it, I was in high gear labor... My conversations started to shorten as my contractions became more intense. I continued to walk (and pause during contractions). They became more and more intense. Thank God for the hypno birthing techniques that I learned. I went inward. I focused on my breath. I reminded myself that every contraction was bringing me closer to seeing my baby. 

Its around 1:30am. Still no baby. At this point. I am exhausted. I feel like I can't keep going... I tell Jon, that I can't keep going... My goal was to have an unmedicated birth. I had read all the books and watched all the documentaries... Yes, hypno birthing techniques had gotten me to this point without completely losing it, but I feel like I can't continue another hour with this kind of intensity. The nurse informs me that I am at 9 1/2 centimeters. I am in transition. The final throws of labor. At this point, my body wants to push!!! In fact, my body starts to push... The nurse tells me that I can't push, because I'm not quite at 10 centimeters. Angela, grabs my hand. I continue to breathe... The nurse offers me pain medication similar to morphine. I ALMOST took it.... ALMOST.. To be honest, if the nurse had offered me crack, I may have considered it....It was THAT intense.

Its funny how when things get tough, the want for a maternal figure begins to present itself. In that moment, I began to cry for my mother (who had passed away 3 years prior) I wanted her there. She was at my previous birth with Jax. The intensity of it all... in that moment... without her was real. At this point, Jon asked everyone to leave the room. He then reminds me that I have the right to do whatever I want to do in this moment... to take the pain medication (or not) that was just offered by the nurse. He also reminded me of what I wanted in this birth... to birth without medication... to stand and push my baby out. He then makes a deal with me. He says, "If this baby isn't out in 30 minutes, lets revisit this conversation... You got this!!!" ... I agreed. 

The nurse comes in, she checks me again, and says that I can push. I'm on my back, and I push. The doctor comes in checks me while I'm pushing. He says that I probably have another hour or so. He leaves out... I continue to push on my back and nothing. Jon then asks if I would like to stand up. I say yes... as laying on my back didn't seem to be working. He instructs me that before my next contraction, he was going to swing my legs around toward the bedside so that I could stand up. At this point, it seems like I only have seconds in between contractions. I stood up. I have the biggest contraction, that I've had the entire night. I let out a lion like tribal roar, and I feel my baby's head emerge. I utter the words,  "There's the head"...And as soon as I say that, the rest of my baby's body emerges and literally falls out barely missing the floor, and into my husband's hands. It all happened so quickly, Jedi was upside down... dangling from my vagina in what could be best compared to the famous Tom Cruise Mission Impossible stunt . It was truly amazing. Jon and the nurse were having difficulty grabbing a hold of him, as he was slippery. The nurse says, "Brandi, grab your baby."... And I did just that. I grab him with total control that only a mama possesses. I lay down on the bed, and lay him on my chest. 

This particular birth wasn't exactly how I imagined. It was way longer... 43 hours to be exact. However, it was exactly what I wanted. I was able to birth exactly HOW I wanted... the WAY I wanted.. I was able to birth surrounded with the people that I love, free from unnecessary interventions... WITHOUT fear. People who hear my birthing story, often ask me if I am now a proponent for unmedicated childbirth. The truth is, I am a proponent for women birthing the way that THEY desire to birth... HOWEVER they desire to birth. I feel as though, too often the choice/ option to birth freely is not presented. Women from the beginning are programmed to fear the beautiful task that their bodies are capable of performing...  I am Pro-Freedom in birth. I am Pro- Momma... In my case, I was able to trust my instinct and push my baby from my womb, while standing like a boss. Yes, it was the most physically intense experience that I had ever gone through... I felt like my back was being ripped open. I was in pain. I will not lie. But, I feel as though pain/ intensity is not necessarily a bad thing. It reminds us that we are alive and that we are human. Afterwards, I felt strong... I had just birthed on MY terms... In my mind and heart, from this point on, nothing was impossible... I could truly do anything... 

Gratitude

This week marked my 34th year around the sun. I had a blast celebrating my birthday surrounded by some of my closest friends...women whom I admire greatly. My husband, although abroad, organized a relaxing day at the spa for myself and what I like to call my "girl gang".  We had an amazing time getting pampered, talking, and belly laughing. It was a day of "moments" that reminded me of how truly blessed I truly am. I have so much gratitude for the fact that I have wonderful women who surround me. I have to say that there is a reason why I refer to these women as my "girl gang". We support each other and build each other up. For this I am grateful.

I am grateful for my family. I say often that there wouldn't be a #NotSoPrivateParts if it weren't for the support of my husband, Jon. He supports me in a way that goes beyond. He allows me to run content ideas by him, constantly giving his honest opinion. He is truly the best husband, partner, and friend that I could ask for.  I am grateful for our boys. They are the reason why I do what I do. Jaxon has such a gift of encouragement. He is constantly saying, "Mom, you can do it!"... "Mom, you're the best!" (even when I feel like I could do or be better)...I am grateful for my Jedi, my rainbow baby... My children are such a gift. 

I am grateful for the roof over our head, the food in our bellies, and the ability to create. I realize that creativity looks different for everyone. It ebbs and flows like waves pulling us deeper into an ocean of boundless opportunities. For this I am grateful. I am grateful for the courage to step out of the boat and seize these oceans of opportunities... 

With that being said, we all have something to be grateful for. However, is it enough to JUST be grateful? How do we show our gratitude? We say thank you by returning the favor... perhaps by being generous with others. We can even show our gratitude through the products that we choose to purchase on a day to day basis... The companies that we support... With that being said, Cheeky, is one of my favorite "gratitude Products".

"Cheeky® creates modern tableware with a witty spirit to help end hunger. We believe that access to nutritious food is a right, not a privilege. So, for every item you buy, we give a meal through our partnership with Feeding America.*" - Cheeky Team

Cheeky's motto is, "Make mealtime matter"... Its quite simple...You buy one item, Cheeky gives one meal through their partnership with FEEDING AMERICA. Every time that you purchase their plate sets, napkins, or cups, YOU are providing a meal for someone in need. 

CHEEKY was created by Social Entrepreneur, PJ Brice. While strolling through Target's paper goods aisle, he asked himself, “Why are paper plates so plain? Why are the designs so boring? Why don’t they serve a higher purpose?” (cue Aha moment and CHEEKY was birthed.) PJ, along with this Co-Founders, Ido and Lance then created super dope tableware purposed to serve not just food, but hungry people in need.  

Here are the facts:

-According to recent studies, 1 in 7 people right here in the US face hunger everyday. (approx 48 million)

-1 in 5 Kids do not know when they will see their next meal.

-To date, CHEEKY has provided over 8 million meals to those in need. 

"Our paper plates and bowls are made from responsibly forested material and compostable in commercial composting facilities.  All Cheeky products are BPA free." -Cheeky Team

Friendly toward the environment? Check. Non-Toxic? Double Check. Socially conscious? Triple Check. Giving is how we truly show our gratitude. We have the beautiful ability to make our dollars mean something by demonstrating our thankfulness through supporting companies whose core is centered around giving... I truly believe that where your treasure is, your heart will be also... How do you show your gratitude?

Finding Freedom Through Motherhood...

My name is Breck Oxford, I'm 36 years old and I'm a vegan personal chef. 
As I sit here and write this story, I'm both nervous and excited to share my experience which has lead me to exactly where I am now...sitting on a birthing ball awaiting the arrival of my first child, a Sun. One of the first conversations my partner and I had was about how we envisioned childbirth... and we both said, at home in water.  This was 9 years ago...

By 33, I made up my mind that I enjoyed my life without being a mother. I enjoyed not having the responsibility of being "tied down" and being able to pick up and go. I was in an on again off again relationship for 9 years and didn't know where that was headed. I just knew having a child wasn't a part of my story!

After much work on ourselves separately,  dating and even developing feelings for other people we decided that we ( my on and off 9 year love) wanted to be with one another. This was the first real decision I made as a women, having no regard for what anyone thought. We worked hard and found ourselves in a place we've always dreamed of being with one another...happiness. It was light, and we'd been through so much, the only thing left was love. I was beyond ecstatic that everything in my life was how I pictured it. I had the relationship I wanted, a supportive family, friends and my career was headed in the right direction.

November 20, 2016 ( 2 days before my 36 solar return) I found out the unthinkable...I was pregnant!  Great news right?! WRONG. I wanted no parts of this. I called my partner into the bathroom and shared the news, he was filled with so much joy and kissed away my tears of utter disappointment. In fact, I remember saying, "I don't want this". I was pissed.  I thought 'Great, I'm not even a mom yet and my life is already ruined...my bday plans are cancelled, no turn up.' It took me a few months to really accept that I was pregnant.  Then something happened... I fell in love with taking care of this little one growing inside of me. The party girl lifestyle became an afterthought, all I wanted to do was protect my little baby, my personal package. My relationships got stronger and some completely vanished. 

Creating life has shifted my focus, given me a sense of strength and gratitude I've never had before. What I initially thought would "tie me down" has freed me so. I now have the power to say NO! Maybe a small feat for many, but for me going through this beautiful journey has been nothing more than my path towards womanhood. I am no longer in a prison of other people's thoughts and ideas. I am love, I am gratitude and I am an expecting mother.  Thank you Sun for saving me from myself when I didn't even know I needed saving.  I'm looking forward to this next adventure!

Peace, Love & Rainbows

Breck

The Best Version of Myself...

Fitness has always been a part of my life whether for recreation, competition or most recently for the sole reason of being the best version of myself. Best version of MYSELF. Not the best version in general, because that mindset inevitably brings forth comparison and comparison in my opinion is the archenemy to a healthy self-esteem. 

If I hadn't discovered this revelation I would be disgusted with my body image today and would be putting forth far too many efforts toward immediate change back to my physically fit self. I would see all the picture perfect mamas on Instagram and feel like trash due to my few new stretch marks, the extra weight around my thighs/midsection, how my hip bones have shifted for good. Thankfully I am no longer in the business of comparison and all of these changes have only fueled my womanly empowerment! I am so proud of this body and what it has accomplished, I have grace for it and am giving it the necessary time to heal..do I want to be fit again? Of course! But in good timing and not because I want countless likes on Instagram. Majority of my energy is going toward nurturing a newly earth side baby, making sure that she feels safe and loved. My time is spent no better way than with her laying skin to skin on my chest for as long as she sees fit. 

We are unconsciously programmed from a very young age to dress, act, be a certain way and as mothers if we are not intentional about guarding our children's hearts and minds they will continue to fall victim to fueling their progress in life by insecurities. I'm not saying that society is evil or trends are of the devil but when I see people putting more stock in how others will perceive them over their very own peace of mind and contentment that is what does not sit well within my soul. 

Every human deserves to be seen, to be loved, to be accepted for their most genuine self but the trouble is many are unwilling to be vulnerable enough for that acknowledgment. Hiding in plain sight has been mastered by an amazing amount of people and it breaks my heart to be aware of just how much potential is being hidden behind the fear of failure and loneliness. Realistically every successful person who had to put in their own efforts to get there has faced many failures along the way and as far as loneliness goes all of my revelations, spiritual awakenings or simple realization of common sense has never come to me while I'm out with my girls, getting ready for a concert or even having a Netflix&chill with my soulmate but RATHER in complete solitude.

I have found a respect for myself over the past few years that allows me to treat others with grace and understanding. Through trial and error, meditation and allowing the universe to finally do its thing in my life I have found that I am here to be a kind and loving inspiration of truth. My mind is at peace knowing that my purpose is simple and attainable, not easy but worth the effort because in return I am continually blessed by the addition of deep and richly invested friendships, the kind that don't give up on you when you slip up and act like a complete idiot for some reason or another. Shoutout to Shannon and Roxane, I love you girls. 

I hope that a sentence or two has deeply resonated within whomever may be reading these words.

In conclusion...

-If you haven't already, start the journey toward becoming your very best SELF. That may mean; purging your home of useless junk, eating better, working out, making time for solitude, reading a book, smelling some flowers, rekindling a forgotten hobby, nurturing a meaningful friendship.. Etc...

-if you happen to be a mother please brainstorm and consider ways that you can be very intentional about raising up your young one(s) to be entirely aware of their self worth. Make sure they know just how essential and important they are. This may mean; allowing them to be curious even if that means you don't always have the answers, praising their ideas instead of questioning them, telling them that they are wonderful.. Etc...

Close your eyes, smile and be at peace 🙏🏻
Namaste
Summer dawn