Showing Up

You can do hard things, and when you cant…Rest + try again tomorrow.

There are times to push through and times to take pause. Like many, it can be somewhat hard to determine which is which. Today, I was productive, and I mean productive because I accomplished everything off of “my list.” Truthfully, this weekend started with a long list of both work and personal goals. The list contained everything from book stuff to blog posts to decorating for an upcoming project. At first glance, I felt overwhelmed, wondering if I would be able to pull off half of my to-do’s. Between quarantine and kids running around, coupled with the way, my mind can jump from one thing to the next with the agility of an acrobat. I worried. I worried that either I would become so overwhelmed or distracted by it all. I imagined myself starting fingers to keyboard, writing my first sentence only for it to be interrupted by a young child running full speed into my room or by the idea of instead baking cupcakes. Here are a few ways that felt grounding in my quest to stay on task and accomplish every one of my goals!! 

1. Know thyself. Prolonged doses of extreme concentration have proven to be hard. All-day (with no breaks) on one task is not my jam. The solution? Jon, my Virgo husband, suggested that I work 45 minutes straight and then take 15-minute intervals of rest in between. If by chance 30 minutes was all that I could do, then that was ok too. 

2. Set your intentions. Before I would begin, I would start by listing the top 2-3 things that were imperative to get done. If I were left with additional time or felt energized to do more, I would go for it. 

3. Show grace. We must restructure the meaning of productivity, especially during COVID. We must operate within an overflow of grace toward self. Waking up, taking a shower, caring for those around you and yourself is what’s important! By simply showing up, imperfect, yet present, this is productivity. 

Quarantine, Virtual Learning, and Naps Needed

Parenting during Coronavirus is tough.
Yes, in general, parenting requires a certain amount of grit and a deep-sea diver's navigation. However, I don't believe any of us were prepared for this.

For the past six months, we have been strictly quarantined within our four walls. In some ways, it's been beautiful. Refreshing. Healing. However, we needed a change in scenery. The boys were growing tired of each other's faces. Cali was on fire. The Los Angeles air was unhealthy. We were all tired. Truthfully, since the inception of the COVID-19 + ongoing racial pandemic, my anxiety has been relatively high. Like many, I have been grasping as straws, attempting to make sense and find solace in it all. Our family needed space and room to breathe.

Listen, I don't have all the answers. But what I do know is that taking a moment is needed. Assuming space is necessary. Parenting during a time like this is hard. It's exhausting even. Please know that you have permission to pause. Cry. Laugh—order in. Take a nap. Take care and take space. I see you. We're all out here trying our best. You're doing great. How are you self-caring today?

WAP

We hold shame within our bodies.
Do not touch.
Do not look.
Do not feel.
Our relationship to our bodies can be complicated and nuanced, dancing between moments of empowerment and distrust. Where did this originate? How did we get here?

Many have heard Cardi B and Meg the Stallion's new single, WAP. Some have loved it and embraced, while others have exhibited big feelings surrounding black women expressing their sexuality and embracing what pleases them openly. I am here for it, not just because our male counterparts express their sexual desire all the damn time (and often it is laced with misogyny + and toxic masculinity). I am here for it because I am anti shame - Especially when it comes to our bodies.

Our bodies do magical things. Beyond birthing babies, our vaginas, provide moisture to keep ourselves healthy and balanced. Our vaginas even clean themselves. Yep, our vaginas are self-cleaning. When it comes to arousal, the clitoris is much like the penis, as it has a hood and a shaft, expect it has almost double the number of nerve endings as its male counterpart (around 8,000 nerve endings to be exact.) The clit is such a beautiful house of pleasure; only 1/4 exists outside of the body, while 3/4 remains inside.

In the words of my dear friend, Dr. Kameelah Phillips, "Our WAP speaks to us.
The lubrication says, "Hey girl, get your groove on."
The fragrance says, "I'm here! I'm just chillin' and healthy."
The color says, "Hey, your flow is on its way-get ready."

It's Going to Be Ok.

It's going to be ok.
I know.
It's a lot.
The world feels heavy.
Things feel heavy.
We could all use a hug.
We are all going to be ok.

Parents are gearing up for their second round of remote learning. Folks are nervous. Will my child be left behind? Will they thrive? Will we survive? Partnerships feel strained. No, you are not the only one who is feeling big feelings toward their significant other. No, you are not the only one who is feeling uninspired. It's ok if you don't want to make sourdough, learn how to knit, or master a craft during this time.

Yes, we have all entered a zoom meeting with pajama bottoms, AND no, you are not the only who is over Zoom meetings. We miss our friends too.

It's all going to be ok. How do I know? How can I be so sure? Because we always have been in ages past. We, humans, are a resilient sort shifting... evolving... thriving.

The key is to take it one day at a time...One moment at a time. Concentrate on what matters. You. Your mental health. Your wellness.

Let go of petty disputes. A dear mama friend, Melanie Fiona, once said during a panel, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be well?"

Lean into truth. What is the truth? Find it. Hold on to it.

Retreat, Rest and Return

I took a breath. A much-needed breath. In January, our family experienced a loss, a miscarriage. In March, I found out we were pregnant again. I received this news after birthing our Moms In Color Conference. I was completely unaware that I was pregnant the entire time, of our event. The cherry on top would be that my husband was out of the country, working, virtually the entirety of my first trimester. This left me with caring for myself and our growing babe and caring for our two boys, solo (but not so solo, as Jon was still super involved)  for two and a half months. It was a lot. I had to purposefully, decide that I was important, that I was necessary. 

Resting is necessary. Whether it be resting from screen time to connect deeply with those who matter most, or simply unplugging, the reward will always be life-giving. I learned that by simply resting and taking a moment to reflect, to go inward, to sit in whatever it was that I was feeling, I would always walk away feeling clearer and most centered. 

Creating space for oneself isn't selfish. It's beautiful. Creating boundaries to shape that space is necessary. I knew that in order for me to show up for my two boys and this growing babe, I had to show up for myself. I realized that I would have to take space and that no one was going to simply offer that said space. I would have to take it and water it, with the same care that I water my plants. I knew that if I were to flourish and grow, I would have to create the soil that fostered just that. Truthfully, taking time to pause and to take care, was and is an act of resistance in and of itself. Demanding space within a world that pauses for no one, is an act of beautiful rebellion in its truest form. In fact, some may treat your ability to Selah as an act of treason. Selah, anyway. 

During this rest, I took a break from the blog, returning some emails, text messages, and some DM's. I stepped away from any and all things that felt toxic and/or stagnant, both virtually and in real life. I guarded my eyes, my ears, and my heart.  Then, I returned... I am still returning. 

How are you taking space for yourself today? How are you resting? How are you growing?